Sunday Night Ramblings

Here we are again...another Sunday, another Monday to follow.  I was good and bad this week.  I guess that makes me have had an average week.  Let me see what I can update you all on from my racing mind.

1.  Tomorrow I think I should maintain my weight from last week based on what I ate.  However, I feel super bloated and gross and pudgy (I just love how PMS can wreak havoc on a body).  It's amazing how quickly that time of the month arrives (sorry for the few male readers that I have to digress to some "girl" talk, but water weight gain is a common complaint and doesn't seem fair when dieting!!).  Seriously, I think we only have two good weeks of the damn month.  Alas, that is our lot in life.  Aside from having difficulty losing weight, our amazing ability as females to store fat cells, but the regular monthly occurrence of water retention, we are doomed in the diet department.  I am predicting now that I'm not going to be happy with my number simply based on my gut.

2.  For the first time since I've started my diet I am going to get on a real Dr. scale tomorrow.  I have my yearly physical (currently cut off from food for the rest of the night in preparation for Cholesterol tests and whatnot tomorrow AM....no coffee tomorrow morning either...what am I going to do???) so will have to weigh in there.  I'm super curious to see how close the "real" scale is to my two home scales.  I'm not sured I'm super psyched to have the added bonus of a double weigh in tomorrow.  What if the scale tells me I'm a few pounds heavier?  I know, it's not really the number, it's about the loss.  But still, I'm really hoping weigh in number 2 will be favorable!

3.  I had what I guess Oprah would call an "ah ha" moment.  It wasn't life altering or anything, but it was a good moment all the same.  It all began with me wearing my "control" pair of pants...those Lily Pulitzer size 8's that have been hanging around my closet since Christmas.  The one's I try on only to have to put back for fear I might rip the seems with my pancake thighs.  Well, this week it was finally time to take them out, and not just of the closet, but out of the house.  I wore them in public, among my mom friends at a playdate.  My sister commented that I had a "tight ass" (mind you've I've been called a tight ass in terms of personality many a time) which I immediately took to mean they were too tight.  She assured me it was a compliment, and luckily the time out and about gave way to a nice little stretching for the cotton capris!  This was not the "ah ha" moment thought. Later that week my sister and I decided to just get out and went to a nearby town with lots of cute little shops.  We wandered upon a fabulous second hand shop and this adorable strapless blue dress with embroidered red crabs was on the rack.  Yes, Lily Pulitzer again (who else would feature crabs on a dress?)  The only problem...size 6.  Yeah right....back in high school!  I kept wandering by it, and finally under force I was pushed into the dressing room by my sister.  I got it on!  It was snug but not in a sickening way.  We mutually agreed my body sans 5 lbs would be fine in the dress.  It came home with me and I decided it could pass with a shrug to hit some of the arm/chest fat that dribbled over the edges.  OK, still not the "ah ha" moment.  That night I thought, if I can fit into that, perhaps there are some other treasures I can dig up.  Low and behold, I fit into the clothes I wore on my honeymoon.  It was one of the proudest moments I've had of myself in a long time.  I didn't really think that stuff would ever fit.  Now I have a whole new old wardrobe and have been as happy wearing that stuff as if I had just been on a shopping spree!!!  Better in fact.  That alone helps me keep focus.

4.  I'm pretty sure I gave myself an ulcer today, which should aid in my weight loss!  It has been very stormy in the Northeast the past few weeks, not normal for this time of year.  We actually had tornado warnings posted this past Saturday and Sunday.  Well, not really believing the weather ever gets that bad here, the team of genius one and genius two (the dynamic duo that brought you Kayak fun, see entry http://20lbstogo.blogspot.com/2010/04/really-stupid-ideas-that-seemed-good-at.html) decided to run errands late afternoon today.  It wasn't all that stormy when we left the house...very muggy, still, and hazy, but no imminent threat of storms or tornadoes.  By the last errand, having the dog's nails clipped (if I did this at home I'd have no fingers left, hence allowing the professionals to take the risk) the sky was black.  It was only 4pm, and it looked like night was approaching.  No wind.  A few drops of rain.  You could see lightening, but not the strikes yet.  My heart was beating so fast as I ran through the parking lot with my toddler, and my sister did the same with my dog.  I have gotten increasingly nervous in my age.  My sister kept telling me to relax.  In retrospect we should have stayed in the open parking lot and waited, but no, we ladies like to live on the edge, especially when traveling in my car!  No sooner did we make it out of the shopping area and to the main road to get back to the house, the skies opened up.  Not rain, but sheets of water.  The wind was so fierce it was incredible.  At this point my sister conceded my nerves were completely justified and she was equally worried.  At this point acid is churning in my stomach and I'm sensing that this could be the end for us (seriously, I was worried and not in a way that was not warranted).  I debated calling MM to say good bye just in case but figured I should keep focused on the road.  What I deemed a "microburst" (this seems to be the weather people's new favorite meteorological term for a sudden burst of downward wind that basically caused tremendous damage) happened before our eyes.  The main road is completely tree lined, not good under these circumstances.  Left and right tree branches are cracking down and cars are jutting all about to avoid the falling branches.  Just then an entire tree crumbled before our eyes...it literally looked like an invisible food came down and drilled it into the ground.  At this point acid is bubbling up into my throat.  White knuckle driving is an understatement.  Finally we made it to a side street with far less trees and the wind started to subside.  Phew, in the clear.  I think that may be it for my storm chasing days!  Both the dog and child were completely un-phased by the whole event!

5.  I found a fabulous new dessert.  Breyer's (not typically my favorite ice cream by any stretch) has broken into the diet dessert market (I am convinced this is where all the money in dieting is made right now!!).  Next time you are shopping (that is if you are a dessert person) pick up Breyer's Smooth and Dreamy Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream Sandwiches.  Three points/sandwich.  Obviously it's not Toll House, but seriously, these are good!!!!  And not miniature sized either.  I just had to share my new find!!

It was the perfect way to finish off a nail biting, bloated waisted Sunday evening.  Too bad I can't eat the entire box.

OK, I'm signing off for the week.  More tomorrow after the double weigh in.  Until then, happy healthy eating!

Could I really have a kid who doesn't like food?

I find it ironic that I was blessed with a child who has about as much interest in food as I do in dieting.  Just because I have had success in my diet doesn't translate to my interest in the process.  I do it because it was time to be done, but I feel like most days I go into it kicking and screaming and remembering the days when I ate any garbage I wanted to.  Maintaining self control sucks!  To have a toddler who eats only a handful of different items (excluding sweets and chips) under the wonderful combination of bribery and threats is maddening.  Tonight I watched her chew the crust off a piece of pizza.  She was ready to be done at that point.  I had to painstakingly convince her to continue to gnaw the cheese covered piece of carbohydrate heaven.  Could this child really be mine???  The process was torture.  Of course I had a tiny bite or two or three which I always have to do when she doesn't eat her pizza.  

One of my personal favorite moves of hers occurs at lunch time.  I carefully prepare the SAME lunch everyday.  A cream cheese sandwich (really, it's not anymore complicated than toasted bread with globs of cream cheese), one slice of ham, and some type of fruit.  It's so boring I can barely stand to make it anymore but I find she really won't eat anything other than that at lunch.  I wish my dear little one knew just how hard it was for me to take out the 3 lb tub of Philadelphia Cream Cheese we keep in the fridge at all time and smear that white cheesy goodness all over lightly toasted bread.  I bring the meal to her and she usually turns up her nose at it, at least of late.  I don't blame her...I'd probably be board after eating the same thing day in and day out for months.  I don't see what choice I have, it's not like I can give her cookies and call that lunch!  At any rate, after ignoring some whining about her lunch, I enter the dining room with one of my diet meals (Weight Watchers Smart Ones, Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, etc...).  To this point in the day I've only had a cup of coffee.  I know I should eat breakfast but unless I can go full out (eggs, pancakes, toast, bacon, etc...) I don't want any!  I'm sure most of you have seen the size of those meals.  They aren't exactly large enough to fill you up.  No sooner is my butt in the chair then my child asks, "Mom, can I have one of your noodles?"  Unless I give her a small helping of whatever diet meal I am having that day, she won't eat.  So I go from 10 noodles to 8.  Sigh.  

I know what you're all thinking...if she likes those meals so much, why not give her one of her own for lunch.  Oh clever ones, I've tried that before.  I took one meal I know she eats of mine, and doctored it with butter and extra cheese (nothing I know she won't eat) and placed the little microwave tray in front of her.  She responds by picking at it but not really eating.  So now, I've not only wasted one of my precious meals, but I have to go back and make the standard lunch on top of that.  As well give her a handful of whatever meal I'm eating.  Like I said, it's maddening!

You may all be thinking that I've created a monster by acquiescing her every dietary whim.  By no means am I defending all my decisions about food.  However, after going to every doctor visit and being told your child is about to drop off (and has at times) the growth curve you get a little desperate.  I have relaxed a ton when it comes to her eating, but I still feel a sense of need to make sure she eats something at each meal.  In the "olden" days I'm sure our parents would have said "If you're not going to eat what I put in front of you, you're not going to eat."  I have tried that.  The little bugger is an amazing hold out and in the end I cave after days of peckish eating.  

Unless I had seen and felt her come out of my own body, I would question if she was really mine.  That and she is a clone of my husband!  I think this must be her form of payback.  She must know on some level about Mommy's diet.  And for all the times I told her "no" or "stop it" or put her in time out she is going to exact her revenge at the dining table.  "Look Mom at what I can eat and you can't.....but I'm not going to eat it, nah nah na nah nah."  That is what if feels like anyway.  I only bring all this up because I've once again been fighting snack urges and unhealthy food choices.  The pizza incident of tonight made me think about just how insane her food habits make me.  I do take solace in the fact that perhaps she'll never have the food battles I do because food is just not that exciting to her.  Now, if only I could convince my brain of that very concept.  Not likely.

Until tomorrow, happy healthy eating!

Recipe for Diet Carbonara.....REALLY!!!

Since I provided nothing but a little humor yesterday on the recipe front, I figure I would use today's post to provide you all a recipe I CAN whole heartedly recommend.  Who does love Carbonara?  Such creamy, bacony, carbohydratey goodness.  This is traditionally a dish I eat until I'm sick due to it's extreme richness.  I know I'm going to pay for it, but I simply don't care.  The stomach ache and indigestion is worth every bite.  So, how you all ask, can a dish that brings on stomach upset via fat laden content, actually be on the diet plan?  And no, you get more than a single noodle!!  I have to give kudos to my sister for this one.  She cobbled this together one night while at my parents.  I am so glad she shared it with me and it has become a fast favorite.  It is a bit higher on the point side, so you have to plan a bit of your eating during the course of the day accordingly.  At any rate, I hope you enjoy as much as we do here at diet headquarters!

Carbonara a la MEG: Serves 1 = 12 points

From the kitchen of MEG

• Serving Size point value based on using slightly more peas/onions that 1/2 cup each.  If you want to keep to 11 points use 1/2 cup peas and 1/2 cup cooked onion.
•  If you want to serve more than one, best suggestion (while a bit of a pain) is to do the exact same thing in a separate pan.  It's very hard to evenly divide tiny bacon bit like pieces and pasta...most dieters want every possible scrap they can get.  I'd take the extra dirty dish knowing I got every possible bite any day of the week!

Ingredients:
-1 Slice Turkey Bacon chopped into small pieces (Not sure if all brands are the same value...I use the ones with the South Beach Logo): 1 point
-1/2 to 1 cup of frozen peas depending on how many you like: 1 cup = 1 point
-1/2 to 1 cup chopped onion: 1 cup cooked onion = 1 point
-1 to 2 tsp minced garlic (all depends on how much garlic you like): 0 points
-1/4 cup Fat Free Half & Half: 1 point
-1/4 cup grated Parmesan Cheese: 2 points
-1 cup dry Dreamfields Brand Penne* (yields close to 2 cups when cooked): 6 points
-Salt and Pepper to taste


1.  Cook pasta
2.  While pasta is cooking spray pan with Fat Free Cooking Spray.  Sautee onion until soft and slightly browned.  Add  bacon and brown with onions.  Keep the pan at a slightly higher heat to achieve browning...just be careful not to burn.  Stir in garlic.
3.  Reduce heat to medium and add peas to pan.
4.  Add Half & Half and simmer on medium/low for roughly 5 minutes.  About a minute into this process add the grated cheese stirring well.  Half & Half needs to be hot to melt the cheese.
5.  Salt and Pepper the mixture to your taste.
6.  Add cooked pasta to pan and coat with mixture.


*A note about the pasta.  If you can find Dreamfields brand (I've seen penne, rotini, elbows, linguine, spaghetti most commonly) I'd use that.  It is the ONLY low carb pasta that I've found doesn't taste like cardboard...honestly I can't tell the difference between it and regular pasta.  Make sure you point out each type as they do point out differently, but generally you save a point using the Dreamfields.  You can also use a whole wheat pasta and this also tends to save you a point, again please check as all brands can vary.  I am just not a huge fan of whole wheat pasta.


And there you have it...diet carbonara.  Obviously it's not the real thing but it's a very nice "comfort" pasta meal if you are looking for something richer than a salad.  Can't you just taste the bacon and cream?

A close up for maximum salivation.

A few other ideas if you want to fiddle with the consistency of the recipe is with the addition of egg products.  You could consider adding an actual egg (2 points).  I'd scramble the egg in just before you add the cream so you can actually scramble the egg.  If you want to save on points you could use only egg whites (o points) or 1/4 cup egg substitute (1 point).  I'd follow the same process as an egg.  It all depends on taste and how many points you want to make your meal.  I am a texture person through and through so my first inclination when my sister made this recipe was to add the scrambled egg bits in.  I have actually not tried yet (am sure I will at some point) as I really think the meal is nice as is.


Hope you all enjoy and perhaps will forget for a moment you are dieting.  Until tomorrow, happy healthy eating.

You win some, you lose some.

Before I begin, I have noticed that my husband is showing up more and more in my entries.  I'm getting tired of saying "my husband" or "my man."  Because I feel the need to protect our anonymity, I am assigning him the nickname MM (Meat Man due to the volume of meat my man consumes!!).  From this point my husband shall be known as MM.

I feel I must digress on a topic I brought up over the weekend...the failed Chicken and Dumplings recipe.  The fact that I am still thinking about this three days later tells me I did not properly address the topic in the first place!  While I love trying new things, I tend to be a creature of habit.  When I go out to eat, 99% of the time I will order the same thing despite the fact that I take 30 minutes to read the menu (this particular quirk of mine drives MM crazy).  It's not that I don't like attempting a new dish, but I don't eat out as much as I used to and the thought of being disappointed in my meal isn't worth the risk.  For me, trying a new dish usually comes at a new high end restaurants as that seems to be the place where I find that you can't really go wrong on a menu.

I apply some of the same principles when cooking at home.  I do try new recipes a fair amount, and have a tendency to doctor them to my own likes.  In the full fat recipe experimental days finding a great recipe was far easier.  When dieting I find recipe sampling far more dangerous.  Diet recipes are hit or miss.  And most of the time a dieter is so hungry that a miss can trigger either a set back or pure rage.  This weekend we had one success and one failure.  Friday night MM found a recipe for chicken stuffed with chopped spinach, mushrooms (left out of mine as this is yet another food I do NOT like...yes, the list grows as you read) and mozzarella topped with a tomato basil puree.  I admit, I was somewhat skeptical but willing to give MM a shot (he love to cook new things on the weekends).  While it certainly wasn't world's most fabulous stuffed chicken breast (sadly it's hard for me not to compare what I would do if calories weren't an obstacle) it was a nice change to my usual rotation of foods that I'm growing weary of eating.  So...I'll place this recipe in the "winner" category.  More than anything I LOVE his effort to find a meal that fit his tastes and my diet needs.

Night number two...the big fat loser.  I'm not sure how many of you have had true Southern Chicken and Dumplings.  I'm not talking about Cracker Barrel (I guess a reasonable version for us Northern Folk, but nothing compared to a local Southern joint).  This dish is a staple at any buffet counter in the South.  Honestly, until a year into my relationship with MM, I'd never even heard of the dish (I can't speak for other Northern people because I think I am even more within a food bubble than other normal folk up here).  If you'd told me it was sort of a thick white gravy dish I'd have been less than excited.  When MM wanted to make it for dinner one night I sort of grumbled but acquiesced.  I rue the day.  I never knew what I was missing and right now, deep into my diet, it's recipes like this that kill me.  I'm like a dog obsessed with a ball (funny I should use that reference as MM actually called the dog by my name this morning....not sure what that says!)  I knew if we made our normal version it would be a gateway drug so to speak.  The beginning of the end of my diet as I knew it.  Therefore when MM found the recipe for the Weight Watcher's version I was eager to try (and even more impressed by his level of support to forgo his version and eat what we both knew would not taste anything like the original...little did I know he had planned a back up version for himself...bastard).

I did all the prep work for him.  It's not that I like playing the role of the sous chef so much as I like to control not only the ingredient calculation whilst preparing a diet meal but to contain the kitchen mess (can you all say a collective "control freak?")  I always appreciate the effort MM puts forth to cook, but his method (or lack there of) is enough to push this OCD person over the edge.  (In retrospect the marriage of two type A's, one with OCD tendencies and the other an off the charts A.D.D. sufferer, may not have been the brightest union!)  Let me give you a little visual.  Start with an immaculate kitchen (ironically the man decides to play cooking school inevitably on the day I've decided to scour the kitchen).  Now, line the counters with grocery bags.  Any normal human would unpack the bags first and get needed ingredients in order.  Not MM.  He unpacks the bags partially as he uses each ingredient, never mind if there are items requiring refrigeration or freezing.  Next take out every single pot and pan, some are used and some just there because it's too hard to put them back.  Now imagine pots bubbling over and extinguishing all four flames on the gas stove.  It's usually this point when I can smell the escaping gas that I go to the kitchen and attempt to intercede in the background (said activity usually leads to an argument where I'm called controlling and banished from the kitchen).  At any rate, to avoid this scenario I try to do some prep work in advance!

Wow, I realize that this entry has been one giant digression.  Isn't that what blogging is all about people?  OK readers, stay with me a little bit longer, I promise I have a point!  I should have known with an ingredient list 22 items long I was in for trouble.  Red flag that many items for a dish that is pretty basic is a sign the recipe creators are trying to create flavor where there is none!  Furthermore the recipe called for 4 leaks and 4 shallots (I am an onion lover of all varieties but even this seemed to skew on the high side).  Needless to say, I followed the prep work to a T and left tiny bowls and plates of ingredients all along the counter.  MM was thankful and remarked he felt like he was attending cooking school (ah, success on my part to be so organized!).

Stage two, assembly of said products.  MM had some difficulty browning the chicken due to the small amount of oil used in the recipe.  I knew the slight issues with this process could not possibly have lead to the poorness of the dish's flavor.  When all was said and done we were both left looking at the pot wondering how the broth like mixture was going to magically turn into savory chicken and dumplings.  Let me save you the suspense, no such transition was made.  The dumplings, made mostly from cornmeal, did nothing to thicken the broth.  Despite the fact that the recipe supposedly served six, there may have been six dumplings.  Weak, Weight Watchers Chefs, really weak!  The grand finale was nothing more than mealy over oniony soup.  I refused to waste it and was far too tired to come up with an alternative dinner (MM had his back up of course) so I ate the damn "Chicken and Dumplings" masked as soup!  It wasn't the worst thing in the world, but so far from expectations it was merely functional eating at that point.

Let me assure you, there are dozens of versions of Chicken Dumplings and all vary slightly in appearance.  But none looked anything like the version we tried.  Just to give you a few visuals:

Paula Dean (the Queen of Southern Cooking) does Chicken and Dumplings right!


Here is the Weight Water's version...notice a difference right away?

Another picture of "real" Chicken and Dumplings...no veggies but same creamy gravy-like consistency.

Back to the Weight Watcher's version...notice the dripping liquid from the ladle.  I'm pretty sure the real version would stick to a spoon like glue.

On this picture of "real" Chicken and Dumplings note the sheer volume of Dumplings...basically an entire layer!

Notice anything missing here??  Yeah, I don't see any dumplings either.  The 6 or so "dumplings" dissolved upon serving.  As well, note the amount of leaks...is this onion soup or Chicken and Dumplings:

The conclusion of this pictorial essay is the companion photo that accompanied the Weight Watcher's Chicken and Dumpling recipe I found online.

Really?  An empty clean plate and some silverware?  If that wasn't a huge missed red flag I don't know what was.

In conclusion I made a really nasty version of chicken soup.  No rice or noodles, but just some wet cornmeal as the soup's starch.  I'm not knocking chicken soup.  It is one of my favorites.  I have a recipe to die for.  Had I wanted chicken soup, I would have made my own.

As I started this post, you win some, you lose some.  Put this in the lose pile and move on.  Hopefully through this post my rage and disappointment will subside and I can move on to calmer days!!

Until tomorrow, happy healthy eating.

The Big Weigh-in followed by Memorial Day Eats

I shuffled to the bathroom half asleep after another rotten night of sleep.  We are in this in-between AC and open window weather right now.  For some reason our second floor gets a little stuffy so I find myself needing the AC a bit earlier than normal.  The house gets so much sun I think it gets trapped on the second floor.  However, I love the fresh air so have been resisting the AC and I do think that is contributing to my poor sleeping.  I once again had a night time snack attack...luckily this one far less damaging that the previous night.  I had a 100 calorie pack in my nightstand (I know, strange, but I brought it up a few weeks ago for a snack but never ate it). Hopefully that is the last of the midnight munchies!  OK, clearly I derailed.  Back to the bathroom.  As I was sitting on the toilet peeing I remembered it was weigh-in Monday (this whole long weekend has really thrown me off!).  After emptying my bladder (a must for weigh-in...seriously, every little bit counts!) I moved to the scales.  It was almost like my first week weighing in after I started my diet....oh the anticipation...did my hard work actually pay off?  Oh it did!  For the first time since my diet began I posted "big" numbers!  I lost 4 whole pounds.  Something I think is sort of crazy considering that is 20% of my estimated goal of 20 lbs total.  I am officially down to 154.  I'm so close to my goal weight I can almost taste it.

Which leads my to the second half of my post, Memorial Day BBQ eats.  Similar to a handful of previous festivities I did not pig out to my old standard.  But I didn't count.  I think I was sort of celebrating my 4 lb weight loss with food, I know, how ironic!  I would guess I exceeded my daily intake of points on my pre-meals snacks alone.  I sat in front of the nut bowl hoovering an exceptional amount of salt and pepper flavored pistachios.  Once I broke the seal, I couldn't stop.  Great snack too, as I know nuts are high in calories.  Oh well, I couldn't help it...my body was temporarily taken over by the Planter's Nut mascot.  He made me eat them, really he did!  At least I also filled up on lots of fresh veggies, and on a not so good note some cheese.  The only bonus to all this snacking is that by the time dinner rolled around I didn't have the appetite for the pounds of pasta and steak tips I'd have wanted to eat.  And I only had a small piece of angel food cake with way more fresh berries for dessert.  As I said, not my greatest diet moment, but not the worst either.

The moral of the story is that I am fairly confident that even with today's pseudo pig out, I'm still fine so long as I stick to the plan this week.  And right now I'm stuff from eating way more than I normally do that I am not feeling like eating much at all.  Although I'm sure that will clear by tomorrow!

Hope you all had good Memorial Day weekends.  Even if you didn't, you can at least take comfort in the fact that the official kick off to summer is over.  You don't have to worry about serious holiday partying until July 4th.  A month to shave off the extra lbs so you can enjoy food and fireworks!  Until tomorrow, happy healthy eating.

Sunday Night Ramblings

I almost feel like I should save my Sunday Night Rambling post for tomorrow since it's a holiday weekend.  I'm sure my mindset will be the same.  However, I have little to say, little energy to write, and tomorrow at the very least I can report my weight.  So that in itself is a topic!

1.  I am coming to a close on the end of this week, my first full week back without cheating.  I felt like I had a great start but struggled over the weekend with food cravings.  I am hoping with this week under my belt and my husband heading out of town mid week my focus will be back and I'll again see weight loss results.  I'm nervous about tomorrow's weigh in but am just hoping this week was successful.

2.  I had one major goof up last night.  However, I believe I am still within my flex points so I am hoping that didn't hurt the weight loss for the week.  Let me preface this short tale by telling you I am NOT a night time eater (by night time I mean in the middle of the night).  When I went to bed I was not quite satisfied (my meal was sub par to put it nicely).  I wanted a sweet but fought the urge to over indulge in desserts.  Once in bed I lay there listening to my husband snore...he's almost like a buzz saw.  After an hour of watching TV and trying to sleep I was still thinking about food.  I thought if I continued fighting my urge I would never get to sleep.  So I tip toed downstairs (why I don't know b/c my husband has been know to sleep through hotel fire alarms so I highly doubt he'd hear me on the stairs) to the kitchen.  First I had a few bites of my husband's version of the Chicken Dumplings we had for dinner (yes, we had his and hers versions as usual).  The I moved onto one of my Weight Watcher's Peanut Butter Cup Sundae Desserts.  I was like some sort of starving vagabond eating by the light of the fridge afraid at any moment that my husband would catch me in the act.  It's not like I was doing something illegal but closet eating seems almost embarrassing.  There is a 50/50 chance I'll get caught via this blog...but he is not an everyday reader so my moment of night time weakness may go unnoticed.  If not I'm sure I'll never hear the end of it!

3.  I mentioned his and hers chicken dumplings.  I have to say I'm sort of fed up with the same old same old and more than anything wanted some good old comfort food.  Southern style chicken and dumplings is among my favorite.  It's a pain in the ass dish to prepare and one that my husband does better than I.  So in essence I win on both fronts...a meal I love and one I don't have to cook!  However, I don't even have to look at the recipe to know the entire dish is a big fat no no for a dieter.  A whole chicken, flour, bacon grease, butter...yum yum, but no fun on the belt.  While online my man found a Weight Watcher's recipe for Chicken Dumplings.  Upon reading through the recipe, it didn't seem like it would be too bad.  Let me assure you it was not great.  I thank my husband for trying.  At the same time I want to yell at him because he made a separate "safe" version in case the somewhat doubtful recipe failed.  Fail it did and he has his more fattening version available.  Also available for me in the wee hours of the night.  In the end I did what I could to eat the dinner and improved upon it for leftovers tonight.  This is one recipe I will not be repeating or sharing with you all.

4.  Tomorrow we are having a few friends come for a visit.  Having real food eating friends over we will need real food for them to eat.  I would very much like to enjoy the feast but will try to keep myself away from the angel food cake, the burgers, potato salad, and most of all the pasta salad.  A self admitted carb junkie, anything pasta is my Kryptonite.  Oh, and we also bought one of those 100 piece hor d'oeuvres boxes from Costco.  Yeah, that should be fun to serve and watch other's eat.  While I love that I can fit into old clothes, feel better physically and mentally, I have to say I'm getting rather irritable watching everyone else around me eat things I know taste way better than what I'm eating.  Sigh.  Goal weight - please come soon!!!

5.  I will be making a trip down south to Mississippi shortly.  I am already having anxiety about how I am going to escape all the pitfalls that not only accompany anyone traveling outside of the home, but I'm going into the belly of the beast.  The motherland of all things caloric.  I don't know what I'm going to do.  I think I may need to not only stay on point the next two weeks, but I may actually need to go on a complete and total food strike in preparation for this trip.  At the very least I'm sure it will provide lots of humorous content rich stories for you all.

OK, I'm going to say good night to you all.  I hope anyone who is still in the midst of Memorial Day Weekend festivities that you are staying strong and finding your way to the standard vegetable tray at everyone's BBQ.  Until tomorrow, happy and healthy eating.

The good and the bad of sizing down

A few days I posted about my closet fashion show.  I referenced a pair of white J Crew pants/capris that have been off limits for years.  Still having failed to bring up the basement laundry and running low on clean clothes, I figured it was time to wear my old pants and let them stretch out a bit.  After all, they've gone unused for so many years.  As I said before, they slide on relatively easily and are tight without being obscene.  The desire for stretching is more for personal comfort than look.

First I have to say, it's been a long time since I wore something that was more fitted.  There was a nice give in the fabric so that my thighs have some room.  However I underestimated a few items.  While I am thrilled to be in a size 8 (at least for these pants...and really I am none too hung up on size because one store's 8 is another's 12...honestly, they are just silly representative numbers) I am not sure my body is.  Some parts are working better than others.  When I'm standing all is relatively comfortable and well distributed.  However, upon sitting my thighs flatten like pancakes spreading through the extra room in my pant leg.  On a chair in these pants I look fatter than in my baggy version of these pants.  The other annoying part is that when you sit down all you stomach fat gets shoved up.  My current waistband doesn't have a lot of give, so there is only one place for that excess fat to go...up and out.  The dreaded muffin top.  Since these pants purchased in pre-baby years they are a bit more low rise.  Most of my current pants are a bit higher so when I sit I can pull the waist area up to hold in the pushed up fat (mind you I do NOT own mom jeans/mom pants, but these are a step above the teeny bopper low rise).

So here I sit on the one hand feeling proud to be in my "skinny" pants.  Yet on the other hand they make me feel more fat.  Even as I write I'm looking down at my body and I'm reminded of an ant.  My chest is the first part equivalent to the ant's head.  then it dents in.  Next my stomach pops out forming the ant's body.  The waistband of my pants cuts in again.  And then my legs bulge out at the thighs to complete me...as an ant.  I wonder if we women (And I'm sure there are those out there more well adjusted than I) will ever be content in the physical appearance department.

Anyway - that is my "new old" pants story of the day.  My husband is thrilled I'm shopping for clothes in my closet verses at actual stores.  He was blessed in the fact that I am really not a big shopper to begin with and have been less so since the chub days.  And while these pants are wearable, even outside the house, I have to recognize that I am still in-between sizes and that my body is never going to fit into clothes the way they did prior to maternity.  I am afraid my muffin top, while shrinking (we've gone from the kind you see at Costco to the mini muffin 12 pack size) will always be a part of my body.  On a positive note the muffin top makes a nice cushion for a child to sit on...like a ledge with a pillow and for mom's it's an excellent place to rest a coffee mug in the morning.

Before I sign off I wanted to say thanks to anyone who sent site suggestions or ideas.  Love to hear from more of you so feel free to comment or send me email (see blog entry http://20lbstogo.blogspot.com/2010/05/request-for-help.html).  Love the input and will only help me make this new site more user friendly!

Until tomorrow, happy and healthy eating to all.