Dive on in...

For a variety of reasons I need not go into, today did not start out on the right foot.  Probably a little bit of built up stress, probably not enough sleep, probably the grey skies and flooding of late contributed.  It was the kind of self pity party for one that generates pulling the covers over your head, not showering, and when you finally decide you've had enough of your room you drag yourself downstairs and curl up on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby (a personal favorite).  Dinner would consist of an entire pizza or calzone, or perhaps an extra fattening thai dish all washed down with a Diet Coke (I've never liked Coke so at least I'd save some calories there!!)  Then you'd crawl back to bed fat and full wearing the same PJs that have been plastered to your body for 24 hours straight and hope the next day brings better moods.  I'm sure we've all had these lovely self destructive days.  Well, that is the sort of day I felt like having.  Why is it when we're down we (or at least a lot of us) feel compelled to stuff our face with the worst possible things?  Alas when you are a stay at home mom and have a toddler this sort of day is just not a possibility.  

Instead of plopping my daughter in front of the TV so I could eat and feel badly about things, I put on my bathing suit so I could swim while my daughter took her lesson.  Due to a plethora of colds, basement flooding, and a bunch of other random things it's been a solid month since I've been in the pool.  Plus the longer you are out of your workout routine the less motivated you are to dive back in (literally in my case).  But given my mood and increased level of stress of late I thought it best to try to release some of that emotional garbage with a swim.  I really wish I was a runner.  I was in the mood to run so hard with loud music blaring into my ears that I could feel my heart beating out of my chest.  I wanted to run until my lungs burned, my feet were on fire, my thighs shredded.  Until you have nothing left inside to feel badly about.  A runner I am not.  I like the idea of running, not the actual act.  I think I have this vision of being some super athlete in Nike Sneaks and tight fitting Lycra clothing that actually accentuates your body rather than your fat, who after doing a 10 mile run feels all the problems of the world melt away.  The reality is I would make it a block, be so out of breath I would be vomiting on the sidewalk, and my crap ass knees that really prohibit my running in the first place would be in need of another surgery.  So I stick with the swimming.

I don't want to go on with my gloom and doom so here is where my story takes a funny turn.  I must digress for just one more time because this whole blogging thing catches me off guard sometimes.  I know some very good friends who read this everyday and would probably think nothing of the personal details I am likely to share.  As well for future I hope to have readers who don't know me at all outside of my blog and in that case it doesn't really matter what they know.  But there is an in-between group of people that "know" me but don't really know me.  It makes me nervous what another mom at school drop off might think next time we meet in the classroom after perhaps reading my blog.  I think part of the reason I started this blog, in addition to self motivation in weight loss, was also to get to a point in my life where I can put myself out there and not worry so much about what everyone else thinks.  So here goes...

In my personal opinion, the process of evolution is seriously lagging.  I am talking about pubic hair.  Why we still have this pile of fur down there is beyond me.  I know I know.....evolution takes time.  But haven't we been protecting our lady bits from the elements for hundreds of years at this point??  I don't know about you all, but my goods are warm enough without the extra layer of hair.  Additionally, many of us have spent thousands of dollars, many painstaking hours, and a million rashes later in the pursuit of hair removal.  So come on already mother nature, help a lady out!  

Upon arriving at the gym this morning it suddenly occurred to me my last bikini wax was some time ago.  When you can't remember when, that is probably not a good sign.  Had I been more alert when I dressed I may have given it a second thought.  However, this is not the first time I've been in this precarious situation.  I am not a particularly hairy person other than this one area.  It's not like I'm a gorilla down there, but for whatever reason I think I got some extra hair...cruel joke from the universe.  Either that or I'm sleep walking and using bottles of Rogain as self sabotage.  I can't shave because I get a horrible rash.  I could go au natural but I'm sort of a prude and fanatic about hygiene.  So I am left with waxing that oh so sensitive area.  I try to stay on some sort of schedule before I turn into Cousin It, but as with everything else, life gets in the way.  

Ordinarily an unruly nether region would be a perfect excuse to avoid swimming.  But as I said earlier, I really needed to release some stress.  And it's not the first time I've let this happen.  I have come up with a few creative techniques you can apply when you have a lawn coming out of your swim suit.  When my daughter was younger and I had to go into the pool with her for her lessons.  I was not into a swimming routine at that point so needless to say this problem was a more frequent occurrence.  I would use her as a human shield to block wandering eyes.  Honestly, it seemed that every mom was not only the size of a toothpick only six months post baby (some even had on bikinis - WTF??) but no one seemed to have any stray hairs where they shouldn't be.  Not that I was looking hard, but you do notice these things.  It does look a little strange dangling your child in front of your private parts to avoid someone noticing but I think at the time I would have preferred someone to think I wan an inept parent rather than a hairy beast.  Vain I am in this regard.  A second technique I've employed when I could no longer use the human baby shield was to try to strategically walk with your hands covering the upper thigh area....but seriously, who walks around like that?  I'm not sure what is worse, protruding pubes or hands plastered to your legs while walking. My latest technique involves a towel and a kickboard.  First you cover the problem area with a towel while you walk to get a kickboard from the stand.  Then when it's time to hit the lanes you leave your towel on the bench and place the kickboard in front of you and bam, you can hop right in.  Again, this is not the most natural looking thing, but hey I think it works OK.  I guess I could stand tall, hairy bits and all, and not care.  But I do, I really do.  And I'm sure I'd notice someone else in my situation.  Speaking of which....where the other "me's" out there - am I really the only hair ball out there??

Anyway, this didn't have much to do with eating or an exercise routine.  But because it did involve going to the gym, I felt I should share this with you all.  Despite the rough start, I managed to swim 1.5 miles and felt much better after.  Once I start again, I do get into it and I may even try to go tomorrow morning.  The point for you my readers is if I can overcome the personal embarrassment of my shag carpet, then anyone can overcome a gym huddle.