They Came, They Saw, They Went.

I have never been blessed with a well endowed chest.  That is putting it mildly.  One of my friends in high school used to call me "2x4", which was eventually shortened to just "4" as I was not only flat as a board but also wore glasses (at the time he seemed like a friend although I question that now that I am an adult looking back on those years).  I was beyond self conscious about this "impediment" during my adolescence to the point I was saving my babysitting money for a boob job sometime down the road.  If you knew me then or now you'd realize the ridiculousness of this statement - I barely wear make up....so to cosmetically alter my body whilst inflicting pain for the sake of vanity would never happen!  I think I had hoped in the back of my mind that I was just going to be a late bloomer...that my girls would eventually make their debut.  I gave up on this notion by the time I was halfway through college.

Luckily mental maturity came and I accepted that I would likely have to shop in the juniors department for my bras for the rest of my life.  I tried to embrace to positive aspects of the little breasted world.  Let's face it, bras are not the most comfortable, and I didn't have to wear one!  I could wear cute spaghetti strap tank tops and sun dresses.  I never had to worry about a wardrobe malfunction.  I could exercise in peace without having to use industrial strength packing materials to keep them bound.  I wouldn't have to worry about sagging in my elder years.  Yes, small breasts were a blessing in disguise (sort of).

Then the wonderful day came when I found out I was pregnant.  Obviously it was a joyous event that would change our lives.  Blah blah blah.  But finally, my non arriving breasts would soon be here.  That was about the only thing of pregnancy (outcome of having a baby aside) I was looking forward to.  OK, I also liked the "free pass to eat" that I granted myself.  However, I'm sure that is why I'm partially in my current predicament.  At any rate, the weight gain, shortness of breath, aches and pains, farting, stretching of skin, the feeling of my daughter moving around (I'm sure it's totally not PC to say this but all I could picture was the scene from Aliens when that creature burst out of the stomach every time the baby moved!), heartburn, etc.  But through it all I'd finally know what life on the other side, the large chested side, would be like.  I was secretly hoping for a porn star sized set to get the full experience.

Well, let me tell you, mother nature had other ideas for me.  Not only did the porn star set fail to arrive, but I think my body missed the memo about breast development in pregnancy altogether.  Midway through I was wondering why I was wearing the same bras as I did pre-pregnancy.  I figured just as in puberty I'd be a late bloomer.  I never anticipated being a non bloomer.  That's right, for the second time my boobs never came (OK, obviously there was some development but it was minimal).  The best part was the humiliation of outfitting myself.  By the end of my pregnancy I was so explosively large in the stomach I had to buy shirts to accommodate my burgeoning belly.  As one might expect, the chest size of these shirts was also adjusted to account for what anyone would presume would be a burgeoning chest.  So I either had to walk around with large saggy baggy folds in the front of my shirt where it was obvious breast matter should have been, or borrow my husband's tube socks to fill out the extra material.  How glamorous to be stuffing your bras during the final months of a pregnancy.  Cruel sick joke.

After the birth and in the subsequent three or so years of weight fluctuation I have developed a small chest.  It's more than what it was in my pre-pregnancy days.  Given the genetic card I was dealt, I was happy to have a little extra in that area, not much, but enough to manufacture a small amount of cleavage with the right wardrobe assistance!  Alas, the ONLY attribute I have become fond of in my chubbier days is now leaving me.  Sadly this area seems to be one of the first to shrink in size.  It's almost as if someone popped a balloon. Why can't the weight loss gods take my stomach?  Or some extra ass fat?  A spare chin you say...sure, that's up for grabs too.  But please o please, don't take what little chest I've been afforded post child!  Oh it's true.  I put on a shirt today and realized I'm looking flatter.  I guess the girls had a good run while it lasted.  I would love to know what it feels like to be super model skinny with a nicely endowed (OK, I'd even settle for a handful!) chest.  Alas, they came, they saw, they went.  I hope the rest of my REAL problem areas take not and follow suit!

Leave it on the side please.

I had originally planned to write about my dieting and dining out yesterday, but the kayak debacle trumped that by a mile.  So today, you all get sloppy seconds and can hear about the adventures of a dieting diner.  In an effort to kill sometime yesterday afternoon before our trip north to retrieve the kayaks, my sister, my daughter and I met my father for lunch at Legal Seafood (http://www.legalseafoods.com/), one of my favorites!  It was the perfect opportunity to prime the old man about the idea of stealing his kayaks as well an excellent test for the dieter on the go.  It is so much easier if we could all lock ourselves up in our kitchens and lovingly prepare all our own meals.  We'd know exactly what we were eating and it would probably speed up the weight loss process.  However, for most of us, that is not only not realistic, but completely boring!!

One of the very few "hobbies" my husband and I share is dining out.  In our former days as a couple we used to try lots of new restaurants and foods (he WAY more than I on the food front).  Looking back now this was probably not the best idea for my budding waistline.  Alas, I love food, new restaurants, being waited on, and most of all being able to open a menu and have a lot of different choices that require nothing more from me than a few words to a waiter!  Now let me tell you that when you go out to eat on a diet that once large menu is diminished to a handful of items that still have to be refined in order to keep the calories under wraps.  You could take the other route and just eat as you please, but then you'd have to make up for it by cutting out something later in the week.  Personally, I do better with consistency so I'd prefer to eat out and maintain my diet...and to know that I can in fact do it!

My "usual" at Legal Seafood is this steamed shrimp wonton meal that is served with snap peas and jasmine rice. This sounds pretty healthy and I'm sure it's a far better choice than fish and chips.  But even these things I'd venture to guess have more calories than you'd think.  I wish more restaurants would put their nutrition information on the menu (I know this is becoming pretty widespread in NYC and it really does make it easier to make smarter choices when you have the calories starring you right in the face as you order).  First off, there are four wontons and the are a decent size.  The snap peas are sort of greasy in texture so I'm betting they are coated in some sort of oil or butter.  I know rice is 4 points per cup.  Basically I was worried if I ordered my usual I'd be pulling in close to a 10-12 point lunch.  Sigh....say good-bye to the old standby and hello alternative options!

Now, you must picture this scene.  Two dieters, one toddler on a calorie rich diet, and one dad who is virtually a garbage disposal.  The waiter is this young energetic guy who is all too eager to tell us about the specials (I tune these right out as I know I won't be partaking).  On a side note, all the wait staff at Legal Seafood seem to be on some sort of happy pill...they must send them to Happy School before allowing them to serve customers.  Toddler meal ordered, pizza.  Torture to look at, even more so because I knew it would not be consumed.  (It's now sitting in my fridge....why, I don't know, because I know she will never eat it but I feel badly throwing away food....so the temptation will sit a day or so longer taunting me).  My sister orders a Cesar Salad that goes some thing like this: "I'll have the classic Cesar with Shrimp.  But you can leave off the croutons and the dressing?  Oil and vinegar on the side is fine.  Oh, and no anchovies.  Cancel that, anchovies on the side and give them to my father."  Basically my sister has ordered a salad that in no way shape or form resembles a Cesar...it's basically a pile of leaves with some shrimp.  Yummy.  Next up I order the Chopped Greek holding the dressing and the chopped olives (both of which I loathe) with shrimp.  I smile and say politely we are on a diet.  He offers me a variety of alternative dressing options, all of which I turn down.  It's just too hard to explain my aversion to condiments/dressing/vinegar to a stranger.  My dad flashes his smile and orders the Fried softshell crab sandwich special.  And since he's not only not on a diet but trying to expand his waistline, he'll take a side of fries with that.  At this point, while all smiles and laughs, you can tell the waiter thinks we are all a bunch of lunatics.

Despite sounding slightly lackluster, our salads were fabulous.  The shrimp was cooked wonderfully and the leafy greens were refreshing.  We both estimated 6 to 7 points for the lunch. Lord knows what the human disposal would have pointed in at!  So it is possible to go out and have a dining experience that doesn't have to be a diet buster.  I imagine dinner is a larger challenge.  I'll have to write about that when I cross that bridge.  Baby steps right?  The best part was that it gave me the confidence to know I could look like a total idiot to the outside world reworking a meal on a menu, but walk away knowing I exercised self control as well had a nice meal.  Until tomorrow, happy healthy eating to all!

Really stupid ideas that seemed good at the time...

I know all of us can look back on all the stupid things we did as kids and say "Thank God luck was on my side and that move didn't kill me."  To be honest, I have to say these moments follow me into adulthood now and again.  This past Christmas I did serious battle with our outdoor lights.  Think National Lapoon's Christmas Vacation.  I was Chevy Chase, trying to find the offending bulb.  They would go on, and the next day out again.  During my daughter's nap time, there I was, up on an unstable ladder thinking, "Is it really worth risking my life to have pretty little white lights adorning my front bushes?"  In the end it wasn't the risk factor, but the sheer annoyance of scaling the ladder everyday that left half the front bush in the dark.

Flash forward to this afternoon.  It was a raw, drizzly, windy day in New England.  The coolest we've had in weeks.  Lower 40's.  Yuk.  That was the physical scene of today.  Mentally, I was also having a day that probably mirrored the weather.  Irritability, short temper, an extreme degree of indecision.  Long story short, I bent my schedule around my sister's school day in order to run an errand in preparation for the 80 degree weather projected this coming weekend.  Late afternoon, my sister and I are making the 50 minute journey to our father's house to pick up her car as well as a few other things...

By things I mean kayaks.  My father has two old kayaks that have been sitting out on the side of his hill for two years.  As I've expressed before, I prefer exercise methods that center around an activity verses going to a gym.  While my style of kayaking is far from a full body workout, it is none the less a good form of exercise.  Fresh air, a healthy distance from my kitchen where the snacks call my name all day long, the perfect way to kick off spring.  So really, it was an absolute must to save these poor sad kayaks from a life of futility.

Upon arriving we had to practically shovel out the kayaks from piles of yard debris.  We dragged the neglected beasts to the driveway and decided to hose them down and remove the leaves from the cavity, all the while hoping we were not disturbing a small critter that had taken up residence during the kayaks' inactive years.  Lucky for us no furry critters amongst the leaves.  However, not so lucky for us to be hosing the kayaks down in that drizzly 40 degree weather.  Our hands were raw, pant legs wet.  Ick...mess.  All in the name of exercise, arm shaping exercise.  I'm determined to have guns like Michelle Obama without actually having to lift weights!!

Some time later, we wrestled the kayaks on top of my car and started spinning a web of intricate knots and loops, none of which gave me any additional confidence this was going to be highway safe.  My sister assured me she had done this before and it would be fine.  I expressed concern but had no better idea than what she was crafting.  All the while that tiny little voice in my head was quietly saying "I don't think this is a good idea...is it really worth risking our lives as well as others on the road for the sake of exercise au natural this coming weekend?"  I was thankful my father was no where in sight being tucked away miles away at work while my sister and I plowed forward with this idea.  He is a TOTAL control freak and we will be perpetually 10 years old in his mind.  In his eyes we are barely capable of paying our own bills much less transporting two kayaks 50 miles home.  However, in this case I may concede he'd have been right.

Skepticism aside, I pulled out of the driveway and down the street at a snail's pace.  Before even reaching the end of the road I was calling my sister on her phone as she was in her car trailing behind me asking if they looked OK.  Ever confident she's said they were fine.  A short while later we were off the backroads blazing down the highway at 55 miles an hour.  Of course the drizzle had picked up as well the occasional gust of wind.  Did I mention my toddler was on board for this field trip?  She was holding one of the ropes threaded through the car convinced her touch alone was going to keep those kayaks nice and secure!  If only.

We only got seven miles before I was knew this was among the stupider things I'd done.  The blanket underneath the boats was acting as a sail and working pretty well on blowing the kayaks upward.  There was no real place to anchor the boats in the front so we'd just done the best we could tying them through the front seats.  I knew it was only a matter of time before we'd be that car on the side of the highway darting in and out of cars trying to pick up the scattered belongings all over the highway.  Who hasn't seen that car on the road - you know, the guy who loses a mattress off his pick up and all the traffic is speeding and honking around it.  The entire initial seven miles, my daughter was so excited about the bouncing noise the boats were making on the roof as they shifted around.

Lucky for us just as the kayaks made a large shift to the right side of the roof we came upon a weigh station.  Phew.  Once again, luck was on our side and an otherwise stupid decision was allowed to be forgiven by the powers that be before impending doom.  In the rain we popped the hood, looked under the car, even debated tying the boats down via the license plate (thankfully I had the foresight to know this would never work).  In the end we were able to improvise using the grate of the front of the car to anchor the boats down to prevent further shifting in the driving process.  My daughter thought this was a blast and from her nice dry car seat she kept saying "Good job mom, that looks good.  I'll hold the rope for you."  After careful examination and the blessing of a 3 year old, I stepped on the gas and we were on our way....again.

Now, if Spider Man drove a car, I imagine it would look something like what I was driving.  Ropes everywhere - looking through the windshield was like looking through a spider's web.  It did seem to do the trick, and at 55 miles an hour we crept home in the right hand lane.  Traffic whizzed past looking annoyed that some lady was idiot enough to be driving two kayaks in the rain during evening traffic.  Alas, we made it home and breathed a sigh of relief (even more my sister than I seeing as she'd have likely been the one taken out by a flyaway kayak!)  If we weren't on a diet I'm sure we'd have cracked open a bottle of wine!

Lucky for me my father doesn't read my blog (sad but true) so I think my poor decision making ability will go unnoticed.  That way the next time I have a really stupid idea that seems good at the time, I'll be left to my own devices....and hopefully luck will remain on my side!

I'm pretty sure the rear window wiper was not designed to be used as an anchor.

Spider Man's Super Hero Car - a webbed masterpiece!

Life, Diets, Challenges, Routines, Lessons Learned.

Clearly I'm still new to all this blogging business and I'm finding my voice as I go.  I had a few goals in writing this daily note to the world.  I wanted to hold myself accountable to my diet.  I wanted to try writing again.  Mostly I wanted to do something just for myself because it's so easy to get lost in being a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, etc.  I strive to make each entry one part funny and one part helpful without sounding like I'm giving advice because I'm not.  Really, who am I to "preach" to the world?  I'm just a person trying to feel a little better, work a little harder, and laugh a little more.  It never really occurred to me that perhaps some of the things I'm writing may in fact be helping people (and I hope I don't sound like I've puffed myself up because as I said before, really what do I know?).  Furthermore I never figured anyone would actually ask "advice" or thoughts on things based on my routine.

In response to my most recent "Sunday Night Ramblings" a reader friend of mine asked some pretty good questions:

I'm curious. How do you juggle parenting with working out? Is there a daycare at your gym? Or is she in pre-school? How about cooking dinner? Usually one of us cooks and the other feeds Cameron/puts her to bed. I have to imagine your husband works long hours and you don't have that kind of help. Or is your daughter old enough now that she doesn't need as much constant supervision?

I struggle when writing about my life about how much personal information to share.  I am always honest but I tend to leave larger details of my life out of "the public" eye.  I think I have this fear that some crazy person is reading this and will find out all this information about me and come kill me in the middle of the night.  However, I think it's safe to say that at this point most of my readers are family and friends (people who know me now or knew me well at one point in my life).  I'm pretty sure that I'm not in terrible danger of crazy fan stalking!

I tend to lean on humor as I figure that is the best way to keep people "hooked" on my blog.  But I'm actually in a more serious mood today which seems like a good time to address the question above.  I think they are pretty universal and all of us dieting moms are fumbling through a series of obstacles and it is interesting to see how each house functions in it's own way.  Even if you are not a mom, or may be some day, these questions are still applicable as managing all the responsibilities of modern day life and trying to find a way to stay happy, healthy and balanced is the true challenge any of us face.  So I hope you can all forgive me for turning off my funny voice for a post here and there!

To give a little background, I have been more or less in a permanent long distance relationship since I started dating my now husband.  His work requires him to travel extensively.  Not just lots of business trips, but he is gone every week.  For the most part he gets home for the weekends, but even then he is tired  from running on the corporate wheel all week.  But he loves what he does and it's hard to take that away from someone.  A recent job switch required him to be in New York.  We were not ready to pull the trigger and move down there uprooting what tiny roots we had started to plant in Boston...truly our  home.  We figured we were used to the commuter relationship so we'd continue on as we had been for years.  Based on the above I am more or less a single parent.  In no way shape or form do I want to compare my life to that of a true single parent.  I can say I am privileged enough to have financial stability that I can stay at home and raise our daughter.  And my husband, while not around a ton, is still a presence in our lives. 

What I can say is that it has been hard...harder than I thought.  While sometimes lonely, I found a rhythm and routine to life prior to becoming a mom, but that was all thrown out the window when our daughter arrived.  I think we both under estimated (this feels ridiculous to see written down) the demands of parenting.  I am a huge "do it yourselfer"....not one to generally accept a lot of help.  So I'd say it's been a long road with our non traditional lifestyle.  I think in part (not completely because some of it was sheer laziness) that is why it has taken me so long to get serious about losing weight.  The weight loss to me, while very important, is also a building block into feeling more confident and balanced...something I think I lost a little bit over the past 3.5 years.  

Let's face it, eating healthy is hard enough to do as a family, and I've found it immensely challenging on my own.  I've been fortunate to have had good genes on my side for most of my life.  But with age and the demands of parenting those genes are not doing the trick anymore.  Forming new habits after a long day parenting with no "relief" in sight is difficult.  I have traditionally gone through phases of trying to eat better or work out, but they are cut short soon after beginning.  Either our routine shifts, someone gets sick, or I'm just too tired.  Hence the vicious cycle of "I'll start again tomorrow, or the next week, etc."

The gym is a tough one for me because I generally don't enjoy working out.  I have always found exercise you get through doing something (like biking, or riding horses, or back breaking gardening even) to be the route I like to take.  However, that just isn't cutting it anymore.  All they gyms I have belonged to have had daycares.  I was more comfortable with them when she was little believe it or not.  Hey, when they are contained they can't come to much harm.  My current gym has a daycare, and while it's functional I do not use it.  As mentioned several times, I am a total germ phobe.  For me, dropping my daughter off in the daycare room, well, I might as well be dropping her in some Ebola hot zone.  Clearly I am rational enough to know she picks up germs out playing with friends or even at the store.  Yet the daycare is such an obvious place to get ill I avoid it.  I think in part because if my daughter gets sick I don't have any help.  If I end up getting sick, I usually have to rely on family to come help me.  So I think part of the germ thing is a defense mechanism, survival if you will!

Now that my daughter is in pre-school two mornings a week it has opened up a small window to get to the gym.  However, I find myself wanting to use that time to write, or run errands because let's face it....a toddler free grocery shop makes for a much happier mom!  I have employed help now and again but I find it hard to find a sitter who can go with the flow as most want regular hours.  My life is always in flux which makes childcare decisions difficult.  I found one AMAZING person to help us off and on for 2 years.  But she has since completed her graduate program and is off doing amazing work in Laos.  She has set the gold standard and I've found it hard to replace her...she was not only great with our daughter but she was interesting and fun and I absolutely enjoyed her company.  In addition to finding good help, the cost of babysitters these days...well you might as well take out a small bank loan to fund a regular gym routine!

I have found having my sister around to have been a huge catalyst in this process.  I had forgotten how nice it was not only to have adult contact on a day to day basis, but how much easier life can be when sharing a little bit of the household responsibilities.  My sister is a grad student and in my husband's long absences, it has seemingly worked well for all.  Free place for her to stay and I get some help cooking, cleaning, and in childcare.  So between school and working around my sister's schedule I have been able to find in more gym trips than I have in years past.  All without having to rely on the germ factory!  The fact she is on a diet and we enjoy many of the same types of foods has doubled the success rate of this little experiment.  I think in large part I have to attribute my success to a small shift in lifestyle.  

I think the ultimate challenge will be "what happens after the current routine changes again?"  My husband and I have hopes for more "normalcy" in our life sometime in the future.  Not sure when that day will come.  At 3.5 our daughter, who has always been very independent and self entertaining, is able to be more self sufficient.  That is sort of sad to say because in one way she is no longer my baby, my peanut, and doesn't need me in the same way she did.  They grow up fast and I find myself nostalgic for those early days.  But by the same token I do see glimpses of "getting my life back" - finding "me" again - as she grows.  Like I said, it's a double edged sword.

I feel sort of badly after writing all that and not really providing much of an answer or a solution (my husband is all about problem solving).  I just think it's more complicated than that.  Everyone says "you have to make time for yourself" or "hire help" or "just do it."  But for those of us deep in the thick of it time, money, guilt...well they are all very real factors that need to be addressed and overcome in time.  I think there are solutions out there appropriate for everyone, the hard part if finding the ones that work best for you!


So folks, I think the secret is there is no secret.  We all have a stack of things a mile high and a pile of obstacles in our way.  Sometimes it takes a long time to break through that mess and do one tiny thing for ourselves.  At least it did for me anyway.  I started with a few goals, lose weight, get in better (not perfect but better) shape.  I've found that positive result addictive and has led to this blog which I'm proud of, no matter how small and silly!  And I have to say it's led me to some other ideas that I have in the works.  So for anyone out there my "advice" or lessons shared is to just start in one small way and break through one tiny barrier.  Maybe you'll find your way to another and another.  And I think you have to take all the success with the fact that there will be a million hiccups and set backs along the way, and through that you just have to remember what and why you started on your journey.  

OK - I've been on my soapbox so long my feet are full of suds.  Hope the length of this novel didn't bore you all to death and hopefully you'll come back for more.  Given my recent return to the pool, I can provide some good humor on the subculture of swimming!  Until then, happy healthy eating!

Monday Morning Stats

Another Monday, another weigh-in.  Have I started a Monday entry the same way before?  Who knows.  Once again, I'm happy to report I'm down another 2 lbs resting comfortably at 160.  Doh, just missed the 50's!!  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I'm steadily losing and for once that looming number of around 150 doesn't seem totally unobtainable.  While the first 12 lbs wasn't easy to lose, I would imagine this last 10 or so is going to be killer.  I'm wondering where I'm going to get "stuck"...my body telling me "hey, this is it lady, be grateful!"  I have to imagine that the closer I get the slower the weight loss will be.  Anyway, I'm just hoping I can break the big barrier next week and finally be able to write 5 instead of 6 for the middle number.  Seriously, that has been YEARS in the making.

I want to give a shout out to my sister who only had a tiny weight loss this week.  She has been right there with me doing the diet thing but she seems to be having a little more difficulty scraping off those pesky old pounds.  She did have a really good drop last week, but this week seems slow again.  I hope she knows that I could not have lost the 12 I have to date without her constant support and our old spinster daily household routine.  I'm sure I would have stopped measuring, starting eating buckets of Parmesan covered pasta (on old standby when I'm too tired to cook post toddler bedtime), and worst of all slowly continued to put on a pound here or there.  The hardest part, at least for me, is that when you feel overweight your natural inclination is to eat to feel better.  Yes, I am a depression eater!  Feel chubby, eat a donut.  Feel chubbier, why not a calzone?  And so on and so forth.  The only thing that has kept me going has been the cheerleading from her and all the comments coming in from you guys!!  So my sister (and fellow dieters), keep at it, because eventually it will come off...don't fall into the trap of the weight loss demon slow you down.

I realize this is a short entry, I may try to write more later but hoping to use my afternoon time to fit in a swim. It would be fabulous to knock off one of those two swims this week on a Monday!  Anyway, hope everyone else out there is starting out the week on a good note and lets all toast another week of healthy eating!

Sunday Night Ramblings Again...

After hearing feedback that readers liked the Sunday Night Ramblings, I have decided to make this a weekly event.  That and after a few weeks of blogging have found that by Sunday night I am far to burnt to come up with anything better than my off the cuff remarks recapping the weekend.

So here goes.

1.  I made it half way to my exercise goal (no, no sit ups yet) of swimming twice last week.  I went once.  That is better than I had previously predicted.  However, if I'm going to give the Michael Phelps diet a real shot then I have a long way to go in my training process!  I'm going to shoot for twice this week again and see what happens!

2.  Keeping along the same vein of exercise, I have found a new way to keep in shape...I like to call this workout routine "Toddler Bedtime Bonanza."  My once easy sleeper has turned into a nocturnal demon.  I am up and down the stairs multiple times each night (What would Super Nanny say??).  "Mommy, I lost my guy (in our home luvies are called guys" or "I need to be tucked in with the soft blanket" or "My chapstick fell off, I need more" and my personal favorite "I have to go to the bathroom."  I try to ignore all but the last request which is only truthful 50% of the time.  The bathroom fake out is my LEAST favorite move and quickly becoming her personal favorite.  All you parents out there know that the one time I do ignore the bathroom ploy will be the time she poops her pants.  In the midst of all these requests, it sounds like she is doing major construction in her room - and judging by the animal sculptures she creates she may have a future as an architect.  Needless to say, I am up and down to settle, re-settle, and finally threaten.  I am trying to see the silver lining in all this...I may actually be burning calories with this new nightly ritual.  Who needs a stair master when you have a toddler?  I am considering adopting another 3 year old to double the burn!  Tomorrow before bedtime, I'm going to strap on my sneakers and get ready to climb!

3.  Along with warm weather weekends comes afternoon barbecues.  A lovely summer tradition, a food lover's delight, yet another obstacle for a dieter.  This past Saturday my will power was put to the test once again.  Luckily I brought my co-dieting sister to the BBQ so we could keep each other on track.  We helplessly watched all other happy eaters stack their plates with burgers and dogs, chips and pretzels piled high with a magnificently decadent Buffalo Chicken Dip (it's not even worth repeating what is in this bowl of calories....one finger dip was all I need to know it was on the "no no" list).  Then came the desserts, brownie bites, double chocolate chip cookies, a custard fruit tart with lovely buttery crust.  I tried to enjoy the food by watching others eat theirs.  I wish I had my camera to take a picture of my plate.  Large slabs of lettuce and tomato slices intended to top burgers looking rather naked on their own.  Piles of raw veggies and fruit on the side.  Let's just say I think I fulfilled my fiber intake for the day and then some!  I pretended each bite of roughage was a chocolate cookie.  You can imagine how well that worked.  But my sister and I made it through the festive afternoon with flying colors.  Skinny days here we come!

4.  For the first time I am actually looking forward to weigh in tomorrow (watch, this will be the week I plateau and then I'll rue the day I wrote this point).  My "back fat" seems less fatty so to speak.  I really don't like that area of fat, but it tends to get overlooked since it is in fact in the back!  Much easier to notice the old stomach protruding from right under the nose.  The stomach area is still as is...maybe this is the week to begin those sit ups.

5.  I am getting a bit board with my meal rotation.  I am hoping to have enough time to cook one night this week.  I am thinking of a healthy nacho or bbq chicken wrap of sorts.  I think my mind is still infected from the BBQ as that is what I'm craving at present.  I am just feeling the need to try some new experiments in the kitchen.  Beware, sometimes these can backfire.  My sister tried one of these experiments a few months back.  I think her first mistake was she was tired and hungry and therefore she ended up adding ingredient after ingredient trying to fix the failing dish.  I think it was a mixture of corn, feta, shredded chicken, tomatoes, I can't really recall.  I had a bite.  Even she admitted it was not good.  So fingers crossed test kitchen goes well this week.

6.  I watched Julie and Julia again this weekend.  I liked it, thought it was good entertainment.  However, I'm sorry, there is NO way Julie Powell worked her way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking without packing on some serious weight.  I have to admit, I didn't read Julie's blog so perhaps she did, but the movie alluded to some slight weight gain that was not made apparent by the magic of cinema.  So either she cooked and ate nothing or there is something wrong with her.  Or perhaps she lied!  I can't eat three decadent meals a week without blowing up in size.  I am considering a new twist on this experiment (you know, after I try the Michael Phelps diet) - the LER/Julie/Julia Project.  Basically I have to make my way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking Weight Watcher's Style.  I'm sure Julia Child would roll over in her grave to think the culinary world's greatest gift, BUTTER, is being replaced with a chemical spray substitute.  Furthermore, since I have a toddler I think the deadline on that may be more along the lines of 10 years!  I'm sure you all want to stick with me that long to see how to turn culinary masterpieces into flavorless diet delights!!

OK, that is about all my brain is going to give me tonight.  Working on sleep deprivation and a disjointed week due to school vacation.  Looking forward to settling back into "normalcy" this week.  Stay tuned for tomorrow's big numbers!!

The Perfect Diet Discovered!

I found it...the perfect diet...the diet I've been looking for my whole life.  Take a look and I'm sure you'll all agree.

If some of you cannot open right now this is the "Michael Phelps Diet" as parodied on Saturday Night Live.  Basically all you have to do is eat 12,000 calories a day!  Hey, I can do it, you can do it, we all can do it!  It sounds like a lot but I bet you'd be surprised how quickly you could burn through 12,000 calories.  Now, the only catch....you have to swim 4,000 laps at world record pace.  I really think I might be on to something here...I mean, I already swim, not well or fast granted, but that skill can be honed.  I figure in just a few short months of intense training I too can swim at a Michael Phelps pace thus allowing me to eat whatever I want.  I am feeling much better now as I readjust my dieting goals!!!

Sigh, if only it could be the case.  This skit may seem like a joke, but you can look at a lot of news reports around the time of the Olympics and this is actually a pretty accurate list of his food intake and choices.  All kidding aside, can you imagine eating that much food or those particular food items everyday?  I found a ton of clips on You Tube of people trying to take on the Michael Phelps food challenge.  Most ended up getting sick or complaining that the sheer volume was just too much to actually consume in his normal 12 hour stretch and even spreading out to a 24 hour period was almost impossible.  There is the part of me that would love to take on the challenge, but damn, I've lost 10 lbs and I think this would be enough to put it all back on.  Then again, I'd probably hate food so much after the eat fest I'd starve myself and lose the full 20!  Something to ponder.

While this is extreme, my recent snack urges have felt in some way like this clip.  The thought of sitting down and eating a pound of pasta (even I'll admit 2 seems too much) is almost intoxicating.  I don't want my small portion, but I really want to just eat until the point of discomfort, which is more or less what I've done prior to my diet.  When you feel sick you're all done!  It was working for me for quite some time.  Last night, as noted by my post, was crazy....I wanted to eat anything in sight (barring all condiments of course).  If there were a piece of chocolate covered cardboard, I'd likely have scarfed that too.  I ended up eating a bit of candy and dipping into my flex points.  I decided it was finally time to ingest that 4 point Reese Peanut Butter Cup Egg I've been coveting since Easter.  I have to say it wasn't as good as I fantasized and I'm not having the desire to go back and have another.  I am feeling guilty today, but am listening to all those who have been at this longer than I tell me it's OK to dip into that extra point zone.  That is what they are there for.  Sometimes you just need a bit more and you should just cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to use the extra points.  So I'm just going with it and hoping that I'll be able to stay on track.  Otherwise, Michael Phelps Diet, here I come!  Seriously, if you can't beat the food addiction why not go down in flames??

On the Edge.

If this diet was the Boston Marathon, today feels like Heartbreak Hill.  You all know I'm not a runner, but the metaphor seemed appropriate seeing as thousands ran through the streets of Boston this past Monday.  I used to be inspired by these nut balls who thought running 26.2 miles was a good idea and now knowing I'll never be one of them just have to say they are sick in the head...gluttons for pain.  Obviously I'm jealous, especially when I see gramps and gran sporting those blue and yellow jackets and know they were most likely competitors not simply spectators.  

Back to my point, the urge to snack is almost overpowering today.  I don't know what it is but I am in a fight again the food.  That dreaded Easter candy is calling to me more than ever.  I had a high point meal for dinner and am left with only three points until the end of the night.  It's only 8PM which leaves me with only one small item during the three hours my butt is parked in front of prime time television.  Every advertisement on television seems to be for some delicious looking item.  I have chewed so much gum in an effort to curb my snacking desire that my jaw is sore.  If I had cigarettes I may consider taking up smoking tonight.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  I can't even blame this on PMS.  This is something all of it's own.  Seeing as I've never lasted this long on a diet, I can only chalk it up to a "mid-diet crisis."  

Coincidentally my brain also seems to have deserted me as I am having huge difficulty writing even this post.  Normally I look forward to my "work" time where I am left to my thoughts and my ability to practice my long lost craft of writing.  And today more than ever I could use my inspiration, my focus to help me through this mini breakdown in dieting.  But alas, the forces that be seem to be conspiring against me as all I can write about is the fact I want to snack and I don't want to write.  I fear after today you will all abandon reading me!  

I have a feeling I'll be dipping into that pool of flex points I normally leave in tact.  I know they are there for a reason and I know they will probably help me lose weight by allowing me to eat enough food to feel satisfied without going crazy.  Now those of you who have been impressed with my dedication and weight loss to date can see that I am in fact human and this despite possibly seeming easy is SO hard.  I wanted to be super human, immune to the pitfalls of dieting but I am about two seconds from busting into some bite sized chocolate snacks.  

So that is my not so inspiring but ever so honest post for today.  I am hoping with a good night of sleep that stronger me will return and prevail against the snack demon that has temporarily possessed my very being.  As well I hope that my creative skills decide to return so I am not left writing these notes only for myself.  Until then I hope that all you dieters out there are having better days than I with your battle against the all mighty calorie!

Chicken Piccata - His and Hers

As if dieting isn't hard enough, I find the men in our lives don't make it any easier!  Perhaps I am just speaking for myself, but trying to maintain a diet Weight Watchers style and eat with the husband do NOT go hand in hand.  I've talked to several other women who seem to have the same complaint about their not so better halves.  The men I seem to know are far more content on the starvation diet or some low carb high meat intake diet.  Just this very weekend my husband said "I'd rather not eat anything than bland boring food."  Wow, thanks for the support honey, you rock!  I had this idealistic notion that when I got married we'd be a team and like the same things and making dinners together as we both like to cook.  Well, the trouble began even before the days of the diet.

We could not have more different eating routines if we tried, as he hails from the deep South and I am a Yankee through and through.  He likes a meat with 10,000 side dishes (none of which I'd deem healthy) while I prefer a single meal...meaning a stir fry over rice, a pasta dish...simple.  Another key difference is in the very way we prepare our food.  Prime example being vegetable.  He won't eat a vegetable (or at least enjoy it) unless its been cooking (by cooking I mean boiling in water with a slab of bacon or some such equivalent) for at least 24 hours.  By the time it's what he calls palatable the poor sad vegetable has lost any of its original color or shape as it drapes lifelessly over his fork.  I suppose the reason for the bacon grease it to replace some flavor lost in the "cooking" process.  I, on the other hand, prefer my vegetable crisp, not raw, but just steamed enough to produce a slight snap when bitten.  I prefer steaming to boiling.  They are bright, colorful, and packed with nutrients.  I mean no disrespect to my Southern relatives by dissing their vegetable cooking methods but I have to favor my own....hence the discrepancy in cooking and eating styles!

So, it was no real surprise to me that the food woes would continue now that I am even more particular about what I'm eating.  Last night I made Chicken Piccata (recipe to follow).  I was hoping that by having a meat product and a few sides we would both be satisfied enough.  Even  last night we had varying version of the same meal (as well I basically had to tell him I was making dinner tonight for a change).

Chicken Piccata (5 points based on just below...ie not including any sides)
Source: Unknown (Cannot find link to reference so re-typing)
Serves 4

Ingredients:
-1/4 cup flour: 2 points
-1/2 Tsp Salt: 0 points
-1/2 Tsp Ground Black Pepper: 0 points
-1 Tsp Olive Oil: 1 point
-1 Tsp Butter: 1 point
-2 cloves garlic: 0 points
-4 4oz boneless skinless chicken breast (I use the "thin slice" so you don't have to pound them to culet width): 3 points for 4.5 oz piece skiness chicken breast
-1/2 cup low sodium/fat free chicken stock: 0 points
-1/4 cup white wine: 2 points
-1 Tbsn capers: 0 points
-1 lemon (juiced): 0 points

1.  If you did not buy thin sliced chicken slice the breast and using a meat mallet pound the chicken until about 1/4 inch thick.  If you have a food scale weight each portion to be roughly 4 oz.
2.  Place flour, salt, and pepper in small bowl and mix.  Coat each piece of chicken with flour (there will be excess mix).
3.  In large skillet heat olive oil and butter until melted.  Added chopped garlic and simmer until just slightly browned (if you need to add some cooking spray you can).  Add the chicken and cook until browned on both sides.
4.  Remove the chicken and put aside on plate (may not be fully cooked at this point but will cook later in sauce).
5.  Add chicken stock, wine, lemon juice and capers to skillet.  Cook over medium heat scraping the bottom of the pan until clean.
6.  Add the chicken back to pan and simmer while covered for about 7-10 minutes (turn chicken frequently). Sauce will thicken to a glaze.

I serve over rice with a vegetable on the side.  To "point out" this meal I'm using 5 as a conservative estimate.  If you ate ALL the sauce the recipe yields it is 6 points (however, you don't even use all the flour and I'm pretty sure the alcohol burns off).  So if you had four portions and divided sauce you are at 1.5 points plus the 3 points for chicken rounds to 5 points.  If you have points to kill and are hungry eat a bigger piece of chicken.  One cup of rice is 4 points - so that becomes a 9 point meal.  Last night I made with my filling from the Veggie Roll up because I did not have enough of any one veggie (I would normally make this with some green beans or spinach and lightly coat with 0 point spray butter/salt/pepper for 0 points).  Anyway, in theory, this is a more traditional meal that you can enjoy with your non weight watcher man (unless of course you are me and live with Southern Freak Boy - sorry M but you know you feel the same way about me :-).

Ta Da!  You will notice an absence of capers - I do not like them so do not add to my recipe.

Clearly the above was plated again by my sister for appearances.  Mine would be a pile all spilling on top of each other!  She continues to complain about the light in my house, but there isn't much I can do about that.  I cook at night when it's dark.  I don't have a professional lighting system for my food photography.  And per my blog entry "The Dreaded Playdate....to eat or not to eat" (http://20lbstogo.blogspot.com/2010/04/dreaded-playdateto-eat-or-not-to-eat.html), I am NOT "The Perfect Mom" who has time to whip this up in the middle of the day for photography sake in order to capitalize on the natural light.  Alas, I assure you it tastes wonderful and is a very quick meal to make!

The picture above (while messier) is what I ate.  My husband, my love, my dear, decided my cooking needed a little fine tuning.  I should have had the foresight to snap a picture for humor sake today but alas I did not so you will all have to use your imaginations.  He ate the chicken (said he liked it) to humor me.  I know he's not a huge lemon fan (unless he's eating a dessert) so I will cut him some slack on this meal.  Since he couldn't use the lemon sauce on the rice, he had to make a packet of chicken gravy (we did not have any brown gravy mix which was choice number one) to pour over the rice.  Didn't you all know you can't eat rice plain?  He asked if adding a can of diced tomatoes would be gross - I think the look I shot him was all he needed to put the can back in the pantry.  Two sides was not enough so he had a helping of baked beans (also doctored by adding ketchup and brown sugar).  My veggie slaw was too bland so he only had a bite or two which had to be accented with ketchup - yes I did say ketchup.  This repulsive (I know I'm in the minority here so will take full responsibility for my freakish dislike of ketchup) substance is like air to my husband....an additional food group if you will.  I'm waiting for the day he uses ketchup in lieu of cake frosting.  Yummy!

Anyway, hopefully this post allowed you all to laugh and try a new recipe.  Additionally, I hope my husband and southern relatives will still consider me part of the family after taking this opportunity to poke fun at our cultural differences!  I am sure this is not the last you'll hear of this.  Until tomorrow, happy healthy eating.

Monday weight loss and stomach woes.

I'm at the start of week 6 of the diet.  Honestly, I never thought I would have lasted this long.  I weighed in the morning and am down to 162.5, a loss of almost 2 lbs since last week.  A loss of 10 lbs since I started.  I'm super happy to have lost 10 lbs and I can report I do feel a bit lighter.  I feel like I've been on a diet forever even thought it hasn't been that long.  I'm also impatient and frustrated that it has taken five weeks to lose 10 lbs.  I KNOW, I KNOW....that is good, normal, healthy.  I'm happy to be losing weight at all.  I think I'm still stuck mentally in my younger years when dropping 10 lbs would have taken half the amount of time and half the amount of effort.  Yet I must come to accept my body is no longer an ally but something I have to fight against as metabolism has slowed, baby fat rolls have implanted, and joints that have broken down making exercise less than pleasurable.  I just wish it could be as easy as all those silly commercials for diet pills or exercise equipment make it look.

I admit, I was delusional and thought this would be a much quicker process.  But if I want to lose another 10-12 lbs I'm realistically looking at the end of June until I'm where I anticipate I want to be.  I know it's not that long and now that I have a routine under my belt I am feeling like I can go the distance.  I am proud I'm starting week six because as I said earlier, I have never been committed that long to a diet.  Seeing the results, even though slow, is encouraging.

Now onto bigger concerns...my stomach.  Again, I think I was somewhat delusional in thinking that if I just dropped 20 lbs, my stomach would miraculously look like it did pre-baby.  I could once again whip out my cute little bikinis that have been packed in a box waiting for the day my stomach would be ready to make it's grand appearance again.  Let's just forget for a minute that I may not be able to show it because of it's blinding white color!  I could once again pop in my belly button ring that I got so many years ago (actually with one reader who's been great about commenting regularly and has also noted feeling her clothes are getting baggier and baggier as she sticks to her diet!).  Let's just forget for a moment it's probably no longer age appropriate for me to be sporting stomach jewelry.  I think the sad truth that I've been avoiding is that in order to have my stomach in any kind of shape I'd like it to be in, I am going to have to do sit ups.  Oh vomit right there!

I HATE, no LOATHE, no, ABHOR - which is a stronger word...loathe or abhor??  Whichever one is worse is how I feel about sit ups.  I don't like doing them.  I don't like how I feel after.  I don't like that I have to roll over to my side and use my arms to get up after doing them for a few days in a row.  I still don't understand why your stomach muscle can't follow the same basic principles that the other major muscle groups follow when in training.  The rule of thumb is that you lift every other day allowing for a day of rest.  Yet for some ridiculously cruel reason, the stomach is the exception.  I would rather work my legs or arms or whatever everyday, but the stomach?  Why o why?  I think stomach exercises are so boring.  They also seem so much more painful.  Yet I know they are the necessary evil that needs to occur in order to perhaps re-flatten that puckered area.  Every week I say is the week I begin and I'm still sitting here at the start of week six finding another reason not to do sit ups today.

Maybe I like my stomach a little too much at this point to put it through the hellacious ordeal of stomach exercise.  I mean, I've gotten used to it's padding when I rest my dinner plate there.  It's slight bulge is a good resting place for my daughter when I carry her around.  At this point my stomach is almost like a long lost friend.  It has a number of names, none of which are nice (fat roll, food baby, the pooch, my happy little gut, etc...).  I just can't see putting my friend through the torture of belly exercises, at least not today.  Maybe tomorrow I'll tell the old gut it's time to get with the program, but for today we'll keep plodding along like we're old buddies.  I wouldn't go and put money on that right now, but at least I know I have the thought percolating in my brain.  We'll see just how long it takes to brew!

Sunday Night Ramblings

Despite the fact that it's Sunday, it doesn't feel like Sunday.  Per usual my mind is all over the place and I don't have one cohesive thing to write about.  As in past I can give you a sampling of topics I'm pondering at present.

1.  Due to my dilagence my dog was able to lose 4 ounces.  I know this because we were back at the vet again this past week.  This time for a rash around her lady bits.  Seriously, I can't make this up.  My dog is the definition of money pit.  We are at the vet for one reason or another all the time.  But we love her and obviously can't put a price on that love.  I was happy to see that the diet was working for her as well.  However I do fear that with one weekend with the husband home, we've undone all that work as he sneaks her pieces of steak and other tid bits from his dinner evidently thinking I won't notice.  Really, doesn't he know that we moms have endless sets of eye balls allowing us to observe everything??  Honestly, sometimes I feel like a warden in a prison just trying to keep order in the house!

2.  The steak my husband is shoveling into his mouth as I type smells so good I can almost taste it.  I was hoping tonight would have been one of those nights we could have collaborated on dinner.  I wanted to make chicken piccata, but he was having a craving for a nice steak on the grill as he hasn't had home cooking in a while.  I didn't have the energy to argue and I knew I'd not have been satisfied with a small portion of steak (Beef really doesn't go far on Weight Watchers, one of the times I dislike this diet is when I can't have my big piece of steak!!) so I went for....you guessed it.....the Veggie Roll Up.  Now you know I really wasn't kidding when I say I get on a kick and eat it to death.  I'm still going strong and not sick of it yet!  I have the chicken slated for tomorrow night's meal.

3.  I think I just lost the appetite for the steak I was referencing above as I watched a group of Komodo Dragons tear into a Water Buffalo on Discovery Channel's show Life.  Yeah, I'm fully satisfied with my veggie meal!

4.  I hate to admit it in writing, but I've been "sneaking" more bites and tid bits here and there over the past week.  A scoop of my daughter's mac and cheese or a bite of her discarded pizza.  Growing up (and still) my father has always been a scavenger eating up cold gnawed upon remnants of our food.  While I have not quite stooped to his level I am seeing eerie similarities between his behavior during my childhood and now mine in parenthood!  Yikes.  God help me if I start going around the table polishing off old cold dinner from my family members' plates!

Other "sneaking" has included making a dent in some of that Easter candy I wrote about.  You may recall the photos of the Easter basket candy.  All things considered I've done pretty well and steered clear of it - not one single Reese Cup has passed my mouth.  I wish I could say the same for the Swedish Fish who have fallen victim to my sweet tooth over the past week and a half.  I walk by those damn baskets every day and before I can tell myself "no" I have shoved one in my mouth and chewed it up.  Then I run from the kitchen and stay away so I don't consume them all.  I am not sure how many points they are because I threw away the wrapper with the nutrition information in hopes that not knowing the damage would deter me from eating.  Well it worked for a bit and now I'm just eating blind.  I have been docking myself a point here or there and I never seem to use my extra flex points (35) so I'm pretty confident I'm not doing too much damage to the diet.  My bigger worry is that this may set a new pattern and this is the beginning of the end for me!!  Hopefully a good number tomorrow will keep me motivated.

5.  I know over the course of diets, people usually plateau with weight loss.  While I haven't lost tons, I've been slowly ticking off a little bit here and there.  I'm terrified I'm going to step on the scale tomorrow and not have lost anything.  My pants are lose and I did put on a shirt I bought two years ago without trying on that has not fit until now (it felt great to tear off those tags).  However, my pre-shower ritual includes a brief naked spin in front of the mirror to see if the pudgy areas look any less, well, pudgy.  I feel like I look more or less the same.  So hopefully it's not just that my jeans have stretched out but that I have lost another pound or two.  I guess we'll see tomorrow.

6.  I am still craving the KFC Double Down despite being 100% disgusted by the nutritional (or lack there of) content.  Furthermore, I think it's hysterical how much press this damn sandwich is getting and that EVERYONE seems to be talking about it.  

7.  My goal for the week is to swim twice...I love to set these ridiculous goals when it's school vacation week and I'm sure the chance of meeting that goal is about as much as me dropping 10 lbs in a day!

OK, that is quite enough rambling for this Sunday night.  Hope you all tune in to see what the magic number is tomorrow.  Hope everyone out there had happy healthy weekends.

The Dreaded Playdate...to eat or not to eat?

Before I being today's post I need to post a correction on yesterday's post "Fighting the Colonel" (http://20lbstogo.blogspot.com/2010/04/does-anyone-else-out-there-find.html).  I had thought my total fat for the Double Down sandwich seemed low and a reader pointed out that I was incorrect.  I had mistakenly posted the fat content for the sandwich was 10 which allowed me to figure the point value was 11.  Well the actual fat content for the Double Down Sandwich by KFC was 32 grams of fat.  YIKES.  Clearly this is no where near 11 points - so basically I think unless I'm grossly underweight at some point and my Dr. tells me I need to pack on the lbs, I'll only be seeing that Double Down in my dreams!

Now onto today's topic, playdates.  Children's playdates are both a blessing and a curse.  Another mom and I were sitting at the picnic table at the park inches away from our kids' snacks yesterday.  She asked me how I was able to manage playdate snack time as that was difficult for her.  I replied that this strange act of self control is a VERY recent development as I'm usually the mom to go in for two or three helpings of whatever tasty baked good is being served.  I've indicated before that sweets are my particular downfall and these tend to be served at most playdates.  I try to keep my daughter's menu as healthy as I can but I see no reason why she can't enjoy treats, especially at a playdate.  

Here is a sampling of goodies over the past few playdates: Mini Chocolate Chip Muffins, Brownies, Blueberry Cake, Bagels, Pirate's Booty, and Cookies.  Reading this you may think we are the most unhealthy bunch of parents, but I do assure you most of us are pretty conscious of our kids' diets and these special treats are usually consumed in moderation and always offered with a side of fruit.  Obviously for those of us watching the waistline the easy answer is "GO FOR THE FRUIT DUMMY!"  If only it were that simple.  Those damn muffins and brownies are just so much more satisfying.  

In times past I used to watch most other moms exercise amazing self restraint during snack hour.  It would seem they spent all this time plating beautiful baked good and fruit platters and then somehow I'd see them munch on a grape here or there.  I felt like I was the only one jamming chocolate croissants into my face.  Then I'd notice I was the only one and the guilt would drive me to another and another.  I figured if I was going to be the pig of the group I might as well go down in flames (I find I use this rational anytime I go off the diet....if you are going to deviate you might as well make the best of it!).  I mean, you can't let food like that go to waste when there are starving people in the world!

I find there are a few groups of moms that I've seen at these playgroups over the years.

1.  The Perfect Mom - She serves the most lush food (as described above) baked from scratch from rare ingredients yet consumes nothing more than a cup of coffee.  She lives in athletic wear that is so classy looking you are not really sure if it's athletic wear or not.  And of course she is ready to go for a 15 mile run at a moment's notice and doesn't break a sweat in the process.  Her kids are perfect eaters as well (just the right balance of the four food groups).  They don't throw temper tantrums, read by the age of 18 months, and were born potty trained.  I hate these people (not really).

2.  The Mysteriously Skinny Mom - She has the perfect figure yet seems to consume anything and everything she wants...muffins, bagels with cream cheese, some fruit here and there, glasses of white wine with dinner.  Yet there isn't an ounce of fat on her body despite popping out three kids in four years.  I wonder - are these people secretly starving themselves all week in anticipation of playdate or a social event?  I hate these people too (OK, again, not really....as with the "Perfect Mom" I'd be right there if I could!).

3.  The Regular Mom - I put myself in this category.  Always 20 lbs away from her goal.  Finds a brownie has mysteriously ended up in the mouth without any recollection of going for the snack in the first place.  Immediately we are overcome with feelings of guilt and internally begin calculating how many sit ups it will take to burn off that morsel.  While this mental breakdown is occurring deep within the brain, our kids are falling off park equipment, throwing sand at other children, or having the meltdown of the century over an inability to share.  

When it's my turn to host or provide food I've thought about supplying only fruit of diet food.  However, I fear that not only would the kids think I am the uncoolest mom on the block, but the moms may secretly hate me too in hopes of finding a reason to enjoy a sweet here and there.  Furthermore I love to bake, and I find playdates a perfect excuse to try some yummy new recipe that will not be solely consumed by me in secrecy. I have found a lot of reduced calorie coffee cakes and baked items at http://www.cookinglight.com/.  But even with a lower calorie count to begin, you still have to find a way to exercise some self control.  And as I said earlier this has been my downfall.  

I think the answer is a combination of self restraint and smart choices.  I am paralyzed by fear that if I start with a snack I won't be able to stop myself (I noticed this over the wedding weekend...instead of one chip I found my hand darting back over and over again despite the fact I knew there was no need to keep eating the evil chips!!).  I am still not confident in the early stages of my dieting to shut myself off after just one cookie or brownie, or muffin.  For now I am on the playdate food abstinence program.  I am hoping this diet does not turn my into a neurotic food crazy person.  But for now I'm going to keep plodding along until I reach my goal and then slowly figure out how to build healthy snack habits, including enjoyment of baked goods at playdates, into my routine.

So good luck all you Regular Moms - I don't need to wish any luck on the Perfects of the Mysteriously Skinnies as they've figured it out already.  Damn them!!  

Fighting the Colonel

Does anyone else out there find themselves salivating over the worst things to eat?  I am not sure if anyone has seen the commercial for the KFC Double Down Sandwich.  For those of you who have not it consists of: two pieces of fried chicken breasts (they offer a grilled version but who is going to eat that??), two pieces of bacon, two pieces of Monterey Jack and Pepper Jack cheese, and the colonel's special sauce (whatever that is).  Apparently "so meaty, there's no room for a bun!"  If that description didn't sell you then take a look at this bad boy.

This comes close to a perfect sandwich in my opinion.  I mean if you wanted to improve upon it's suspected greatness, you could pop in an entire avocado then dunk the calorie bomb in beer batter and deep fat fry it.  That sort of reminds me of an old SNL skit for "Taco Town."  If you haven't seen I've attached the clip below.

I saw the initial advertisement for the Double Down earlier this week and now everytime it comes on I get the shakes.  I can almost imagine the taste of the crispy grease as I write.  What is even worse is that after I viewed the phony Taco Town Clip, that actually looked good!  Wow, I must be REALLY PMS thinking about food like this!  I may have to throw my keys in the woods to avoid getting in my car and speeding to the nearest KFC.  God, I wish I was 21 again and could consume things like this everyday.  The funniest part about all of this is that anyone who knows me knows that I DO NOT eat fast food.  Not so much on the basis that it's not the healthiest choice, but once again we go back to my infatuation with food poisoning.  I've never had food poisoning from a fast food establishment, but from actual sit down restaurants.  For some reason something about meat that costs under a dollar freaks me out.  I have a few exceptions to the fast food rule simply because I like them too much to snub (Dunkin Donuts being one).  And while I have no recollection of EVER eating KFC (although I'm sure I have at some point in life) this is not the first time I have had a fascination with one of their meals.  Does anyone remember the Mashed Potato Bowl (Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, gravy, and cheese)?  I have been thinking about eating that for years and still have not let it pass my lips.  Now add the Double Down sandwich, I really may need to visit a KFC upon diet completion (add to the celebration....at this rate I'll be right back up to where I started!).

The scary thing about items like this is if you actually look at the nutritional value you can understand how a fast food lunch here or there can easily pack on the lbs.  We all know that stuff like this is bad, but until you really calculate the number, you never realize just how bad.  I looked up the nutritional value of the Double Down and it clocks in at 11 points (540 calories and 10 grams of fat).  I couldn't even tally the point value for the Mashed Potato Bowl at 700 calories and 32 grams of fat - my point scale only goes to 13 and it was over that!  After reading that my Double Down sandwich is seeming like a salad!

Despite the fact that these restaurants are required to post their nutritional information, I am still somewhat suspect.  While 11 points is no cake walk, I would have thought it would be higher.  I remembered reading an article in the New York Times earlier this year about certain inaccuracies in menu and frozen meal reporting of nutritional value.  Even though this is regulated by the FDA, they allow for a 20% margin of error.  I've attached the article below.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/12/health/12calo.html
I just have to believe that Double Down is more than it is reporting (although my husband would just accuse me of being some radical conspiracy theorist for questioning the FDA's process...although I was somewhat vindicated by the NY Times article).  I would be HORRIFIED if the Mashed Potato Bowl came in any higher.  Yuk, I feel my arteries closing in around me just thinking about this stuff!!

At the end of the day even when dieting you have to be somewhat suspect of whatever you eat that you are not in charge of preparing.  I'm not saying you can't eat anything processed or pre-made by the hands of others, but it should only make up a portion of your dieting menu.  Almost everyday I eat one processed meal but try not to do that for lunch and dinner.  The trap is that it is so easy to just stick to a point system when everything is black and white verses having to go through the effort to make your own meal and calculate values, but it's probably wise not to use packaged food as too much of a crutch.  Plus they are LOADED with sodium for the most part.

In conclusion, I hope my shocking cravings have not pushed anyone over the edge and all you dieters are now lined up at KFC in search of a quick fix.  I was hoping by writing about this I would get it out of my system.  No such luck.  I think I may have to boycott TV for a while until I can get my cravings under control.  Good luck to you all in your pursuit of healthy eating!

Scrub first, Eat Second...

Let me set the scene.  It's ten minutes post dinner inhalation.  You are pleasantly full and know that you should be content with the well portioned meal you've just consumed.  Yet for some reason that pesky and unhelpful brain inside your head keeps nagging you to waddle back to the kitchen for a second helping.  As if you are possessed and have no control over your body's actions you feel yourself walking back, plate in hand, to the stove and see yourself piling a fresh helping for consumption.  Before you know it, you're back on your couch in your spot that is so familiar there is a small dent in the cushion and you've eaten helping number two.  After some time goes by you decide it's finally time to get the kitchen cleaned up before you lose all steam and then are forced to battle a sink full of encrusted dishes the following morning.  While piling dishes next to the sink, and getting Tuperware ready to hold leftovers, you hear that crazy voice in your head again, "Go on, lick the spoon" or "It's just a pinch of cheese, no big deal" or "You might as well finish off that last little bit, there just isn't enough to save and it's a shame to waste."  And before you know it you're like a cow grazing through the remnants of the evening meal.

One solution to this annoying self control problem is simply to make ONLY enough for just one meal (or however many people are eating).  Sometimes I do this, but often times I like to make extra for leftovers.  It's so nice to have a night off from cooking...let Mr. Microwave do the work!  But I must say it is a battle for me to stop myself from snacking on that leftover portion!

Another option, which requires a little extra effort, is to clean up BEFORE sitting down to eat.  This sounds pretty simple and silly to suggest but I've found it really helpful.  The hardest part, for me at least, is that by the end of the day I'm so hungry I can barley make it to the end of the cooking time before digging in.  But I have tried to make a habit of plating my food and then immediately putting all leftovers in containers and placing directly into the fridge.  Then once I'm in this mode, I figure I might as well go the extra distance and just get the dishes cleaned so I don't have to do it later.  This also saves me just in case I am in a total state of desperation and in the absence of accessible leftovers, I am forced to lick the contents from the bottom of the pan.  The added bonus is that the dishes are still hot making cleaning super easy.  AND another bonus is that your food has time to cool while you do the dishes.  I don't know about anyone else out there but I think I am permanently missing layers of skin inside my mouth from endless battles with steaming hot food.  I simply can't wait and I pay the price.  But now with "Operation Pre-Clean" my mouth seems to be recovering and my taste buds are experiencing a whole new world of flavors!

So, before you eat, pick up your sponge and dish soap and get those extra food scraps into the fridge before they have time to do a number on your waistline!  You'll find a whole new speed of clean propelling you forward toward that first luscious bite of dinner.  

I know this week has been a bit bland in the creativity department.  Still trying to get my bearings from being away and fighting a cold.  But stay with me...I was inspired by something I saw yesterday which I am hoping to write about tomorrow.  Until then, happy eating!

Wetsuit...perhaps we should all own one!

This past weekend I had to opportunity to take a surf lesson while in San Diego.  I have always migrated towards non-traditional sports and tend to do better at those than your standard team sports.  I had wanted to try surfing for a while, something that I still cannot believe I neglected to do after spending two weeks in Hawaii on my honeymoon. Those were the pre-child days where I was actually in shape.  Given my fitness level now, I can imagine how much better my first attempt would have been some years ago.

None the less I decided it was time to give it a try not only because it has been something I have always wanted to try, but because I also thought it would be a good way to burn off a small portion of some of my non-diet food that was being ingested over the course of the weekend.  Well, let me tell you, if I lived in CA and had the opportunity to surf on a regular basis I would have no reason to be writing this blog.  That stuff is HARD work, much harder than I had imagined.  When I think of being in the ocean it summons thoughts of peace and tranquility...light blue turquoise seas lapping at a sandy white beach line.  Granted the past few trips to the ocean have been more of a tropical nature where my one and only job was "beach slug."  However, entering the Pacific off San Diego I was met with a force of pounding waves and strong currents that beat me up for an hour.  And that was a calm day!

But before any of the wave pounding activity began it was time to suit up...literally.  The water temp was 60 degrees, which by New England Standards might as well be tropical.  However, it's cool when you're out there for a while and the air temperature is only 65 degrees (of course there was a cool snap the weekend I was there!)  At any rate, April is not considered "skin" season by a San Diegans.  While I was not about to hit the water without one, I was sort of dreading putting this thing on....a skin tight rubber suit (technically I think it's foamed neoprene)....oh how this could really accentuate all the right areas.  Let me tell you dear reader, I was WRONG.  Aside from the difficulty of getting into the wetsuit initially, it is my new best friend.  Not only was it squishily comfortable, but it was damn flattering if I do say so myself!  I felt cool.  I felt like an athlete.  I felt skinny.  This sucker was like Spanx on steroids, only comfortable (and I know because I had to wear the dreaded Spanx this weekend for my wedding outfit).  Had I not been required to return the wetsuit (it was part of my lesson package) I think I may have worn it the rest of the weekend.  Downtown to get a sandwich for lunch - no problem, I'd blend right in with all the other wetsuit wearers.  Instead of a cocktail dress for the wedding....a wetsuit...I'd look like a truly authentic Southern California girl who had stumbled out of the ocean just in time to hear the nuptials!  On the red eye home....I'd just be considered some eccentric and perhaps the seat next to me would have been vacated because of my oddness.  And what better way to stay warm in New England than with a stylish foam body suit??  I could be the trend setter for women's fashion at our preschool and be svelte in the process.  Bub-bye baggy long underwear, hello fat sucking wetsuit!

Oh yes ladies (and men....probably only my husband reading at this point), you two can lose 20 lbs in appearance alone just by adding a simple wetsuit to your everday wardrobe.  I honestly debated buying one because I thought I looked so cute and athletic and I didn't want that feeling to go away.  For those of you who don't know me, I am fairly modest and tend to be self deprecating so this compliment is no small matter!  Luckily it didn't take me too long to realize the ridiculousness of this reasoning but the experience continued to re-fuel my current desire to get my birthday suit in wetsuit shape!

What I will say about the whole experience, wetsuit fashion aside, was that it was not only fun, but truly an amazing full body workout.  Between paddling and fighting the current alone your body takes a beating.  I managed to "get up" three times (one was my goal).  Originally I thought an hour wouldn't be enough time, but I can say I don't think I could have gone much longer for my first attempt.  While I love New England, it did make me sad to come home realizing I'd be much more apt to be an outdoor athletic enthousiast if I lived in a warm weather climate.  However, we all have to find ways within our current situation and there is some limited surfing in my area.  I loved it so much that I am going to investigate the possibility of taking it up as a summer hobby back East.  And the best part - I GET TO BUY A WETSUIT!!!!  I mean, is there any doubt about that up here in the Arctic Atlantic???  Here is the one I wore this weekend and loved:

No - that is not me striking a model pose but I have to say, in my own mind I think I rocked the suit just as much as this lady!  And I have better hair!

I am also going to plug the surf shop/lesson center I visited while in La Jolla, CA in case anyone is ever in the area and think they need to try to surfing.  The shop is called Surf Diva (I love that it's all geared toward women although it does serve male clientele) and the website is: http://www.surfdiva.com/

Personally I can't wait to find a reason to go back!  This time with my own wetsuit that I won't have to return!

A Rough Monday

I am sorry to have been MIA the past few days.  Travel will throw off a daily routine quite a lot.  I cannot promise much tonight due to coming home on a red eye from San Diego, a flight which produced no sleep.  So it is through tired bleary red eyes (oh what a pun) I am going to give the basics because it is after all, Monday.

After stumbling in from the airport I stripped down to test the scales.  Now you will all remember this was my weekend at a friend's wedding in San Diego, my first big food challenge since starting the diet endeavor.  I was hoping not to gain any weight, really hoping to at least stay the same, and really really hoping to lose even a tiny bit.  While I have been known to binge WAY more than I did this weekend I also could have made a few smarter choices with food.  However, after my weigh-in the scale average was 163.9...a loss of 1/10 of a pound.  I'm going to round up and call it 164.....so looks like I stayed the course and maintained my weight from last week.  I was so hoping I could have been some sort of super freak and still lost weight despite my eating.  But it is easy to see how you are able to slowly pack on the pounds slowly over time after a lot of connected days of random events linked to eating.  A birthday here, a party there, a wedding weekend, a holiday.  Soon the year becomes one long string of reasons to eat and then you're 20 lbs pudgier!  Sigh.

I tried to do the best I could to keep count over the weekend but it was hard.  I had to do a lot of estimating based on what I thought a portion size looked like.  The other thing about food that has been prepared is you are not always 100% sure what is in it!  I only had four drinks over the course of Thurs night - Sunday.  Not bad, but as I said before, I'm not a big drinker.  I normally can pack away a pizza myself (OK, I don't usually do that because I'd be so embarrassed if I actually did that), but on Friday I ate three average size pieced (although they had lots of yummy toppings).  I ate my fair share of avocado as they put those babies on just about everything out there....not that I mind as the avocado could be the perfect vegetable in moderation.  The food at the wedding was a fabulous combination of Thai, Moroccan, and a Risotto station.  You really could have eaten a lean meal but that would take all the fun out of it.  I did go back for a small second plate.  That should not have happened.  I had two small desserts.  Could have cut that out.  The following day was a walking tour of San Diego where we frequented two Mexican joints.  There is NO diet in Mexican.  But it was quite good.  I went into this weekend with the spirit of having a good time without going overboard.  It may take a bit longer to lose the weight but I also think the most important part of long term dieting (or meal retraining) is to be able to enjoy those moments and just get right back to your "everyday" eating routine when it's over.  I think most of us have a hard time getting back to the everyday which is where we get into trouble.

As much as I wanted to order Chinese or Thai tonight, I made my veggie roll up (yes, I'm still on that kick!!) and can report I am right back on track and hoping perhaps within the next two weeks I'll break into the 50's!!

I promise a more coherent post tomorrow after sleep has reinvigorated my brain.

Torture at 36,000 Feet

I am writing my latest entry from 36,000 feet above the ground aboard a full flight bound for San Diego (Thursday night).  I still have a little more than two hours of travel time.  In addition to not being big on flying to begin with, this flight is more torturous than normal.  Since boarding the plane someone within close proximity to my seat has in their possession a burrito.  A wonderful ever so distinctive smelling burrito.  I’d venture to say it’s a chicken burrito.  I would have guessed the perpetrator would have happily munched on such a treasure at this point in the flight but no such luck.  The effervescent smell continues to waft through the crowded cabin.  I’m glad I don’t know the exact location of this contraband…given my current state of hunger I am liable to jump my fellow passenger and sink my teeth into the chewy flour casing before you could say “You’re bound for airport jail!”

I should back up to the source of my hunger.  It’s not just that the burrito smells oh so good, but I have not really had dinner.  I probably should have left more time to arrive at the airport to sit down at a restaurant and order something mildly healthy and filling.  But alas that was not to be the case.  Next I flew out of the terminal that has the worst food options in the entire airport.  It’s a small terminal and there are only a few choices once you are past security: Starbucks, Wolfgang Puck Express, Jonny Rockets, Dunkin Donuts, and a handful of kiosks selling fudge, candy, or snacks.  I wanted to make it through the travel day diet intact as I will no doubt be eating some unhealthy items over the next few days (which I am sort of looking forward to at the expense of the blasted scale!).  I wondered around from food station to food station looking indecisive at best.  I could have gone with a sandwich option but there were two reasons why this could not be: a. I have a certain abhorrence toward condiments (this is a ridiculous trait that will have to be saved as an entire post can be dedicated to this topic) and unfortunately all of the premade sandwiches at various vendors had some form of icky mustard, mayonnaise or remoulade contaminating the otherwise healthy ingredients.  b. I have mentioned my tendency toward OCD, in particular germs of the food poisoning vain, and eating a prepackaged sandwich makes me wonder “how long has it been sitting out….what types of grotty bacteria are multiplying within the porous surface of the bread?”  So as you can see, a prepackaged sandwich was simply not an option.

Pizza – no, that is on tap for the weekend.  Hamburgers, oh I wish.  I finally settled on a few items I could snack on during the course of the flight.  Fresh Fruit cup, Banana, and a Kashi Go Lean Crunch Bar (Chocolate Pretzel flavor).  I hadn't realize how much Kashi had expanded from the days of cardboard cereal.  I have to say I am going to give them a second chance and start sampling.  Check out how many yummy things the offer at http://www.kashi.com/

I boarded the flight with my sad little bag of healthy fare when bam I’m smacked with the odoriferous scents of Mexican delight.  I held off for an hour into the flight and then inhaled the fruit.  It’s not that it wasn’t good, but it was just fruit.  Another hour later, just after cabin service I devoured the Kashi Bar.  I will say it was damn good.  I plan to pick these up for breakfast on the go or afternoon snacks.  But again, some fruit and a Kashi bar are far from dinner.  I’m flying Jet Blue and they have yummy snacks and I did take a bag of the Doritos Munchies Mix, my regular choice when I fly this airline.  I have that bag sitting here on the edge of my computer as I write.  My neighbors have both long since eaten their cookie and Doritos snack bags.  It was a moment of weakness to put this item in my possession but I was afraid my lack of substance this meal may drive me to begin to gnaw the ever so sanitary tray table (of course I scoured it with those germ wipe things…YES I am that crazy lady on the airplane).  So here they sit calling out my name.  I still have my banana left.  I wish I knew how many points were in that Kashi Bar and fruit.  I am guessing 6, but I don’t know.  I wish I knew how many points were in that processed bag of cheesy goodness…..I’m guessing some ridiculous number like 5.  I may break down and eat it….I can’t be sure. 

Afterward:

1.  I did NOT each the Doritos Munchies pack.  They are not next to my hotel bed.

2.  I ate the banana and a 100 calorie snack pack and had my sister tally my points.  I ended up with a 14 point day...so there would have been plenty of room to eat those Munchies.  Grrrr.

3.  I had a Fruit Platter for breakfast....it wasn't nearly as good as the egg piles my co-diners scoffed down.  But it was drizzled with honey and yogurt so was good enough.  

4.  Sadly I have to report that the burrito smell plagued me the entire flight...either the cabin air was infected or the offender had an uneaten portion until the end.  I hope the return flight is less strenuous on my sad little stomach!!!