Life, Diets, Challenges, Routines, Lessons Learned.

Clearly I'm still new to all this blogging business and I'm finding my voice as I go.  I had a few goals in writing this daily note to the world.  I wanted to hold myself accountable to my diet.  I wanted to try writing again.  Mostly I wanted to do something just for myself because it's so easy to get lost in being a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, etc.  I strive to make each entry one part funny and one part helpful without sounding like I'm giving advice because I'm not.  Really, who am I to "preach" to the world?  I'm just a person trying to feel a little better, work a little harder, and laugh a little more.  It never really occurred to me that perhaps some of the things I'm writing may in fact be helping people (and I hope I don't sound like I've puffed myself up because as I said before, really what do I know?).  Furthermore I never figured anyone would actually ask "advice" or thoughts on things based on my routine.

In response to my most recent "Sunday Night Ramblings" a reader friend of mine asked some pretty good questions:

I'm curious. How do you juggle parenting with working out? Is there a daycare at your gym? Or is she in pre-school? How about cooking dinner? Usually one of us cooks and the other feeds Cameron/puts her to bed. I have to imagine your husband works long hours and you don't have that kind of help. Or is your daughter old enough now that she doesn't need as much constant supervision?

I struggle when writing about my life about how much personal information to share.  I am always honest but I tend to leave larger details of my life out of "the public" eye.  I think I have this fear that some crazy person is reading this and will find out all this information about me and come kill me in the middle of the night.  However, I think it's safe to say that at this point most of my readers are family and friends (people who know me now or knew me well at one point in my life).  I'm pretty sure that I'm not in terrible danger of crazy fan stalking!

I tend to lean on humor as I figure that is the best way to keep people "hooked" on my blog.  But I'm actually in a more serious mood today which seems like a good time to address the question above.  I think they are pretty universal and all of us dieting moms are fumbling through a series of obstacles and it is interesting to see how each house functions in it's own way.  Even if you are not a mom, or may be some day, these questions are still applicable as managing all the responsibilities of modern day life and trying to find a way to stay happy, healthy and balanced is the true challenge any of us face.  So I hope you can all forgive me for turning off my funny voice for a post here and there!

To give a little background, I have been more or less in a permanent long distance relationship since I started dating my now husband.  His work requires him to travel extensively.  Not just lots of business trips, but he is gone every week.  For the most part he gets home for the weekends, but even then he is tired  from running on the corporate wheel all week.  But he loves what he does and it's hard to take that away from someone.  A recent job switch required him to be in New York.  We were not ready to pull the trigger and move down there uprooting what tiny roots we had started to plant in Boston...truly our  home.  We figured we were used to the commuter relationship so we'd continue on as we had been for years.  Based on the above I am more or less a single parent.  In no way shape or form do I want to compare my life to that of a true single parent.  I can say I am privileged enough to have financial stability that I can stay at home and raise our daughter.  And my husband, while not around a ton, is still a presence in our lives. 

What I can say is that it has been hard...harder than I thought.  While sometimes lonely, I found a rhythm and routine to life prior to becoming a mom, but that was all thrown out the window when our daughter arrived.  I think we both under estimated (this feels ridiculous to see written down) the demands of parenting.  I am a huge "do it yourselfer"....not one to generally accept a lot of help.  So I'd say it's been a long road with our non traditional lifestyle.  I think in part (not completely because some of it was sheer laziness) that is why it has taken me so long to get serious about losing weight.  The weight loss to me, while very important, is also a building block into feeling more confident and balanced...something I think I lost a little bit over the past 3.5 years.  

Let's face it, eating healthy is hard enough to do as a family, and I've found it immensely challenging on my own.  I've been fortunate to have had good genes on my side for most of my life.  But with age and the demands of parenting those genes are not doing the trick anymore.  Forming new habits after a long day parenting with no "relief" in sight is difficult.  I have traditionally gone through phases of trying to eat better or work out, but they are cut short soon after beginning.  Either our routine shifts, someone gets sick, or I'm just too tired.  Hence the vicious cycle of "I'll start again tomorrow, or the next week, etc."

The gym is a tough one for me because I generally don't enjoy working out.  I have always found exercise you get through doing something (like biking, or riding horses, or back breaking gardening even) to be the route I like to take.  However, that just isn't cutting it anymore.  All they gyms I have belonged to have had daycares.  I was more comfortable with them when she was little believe it or not.  Hey, when they are contained they can't come to much harm.  My current gym has a daycare, and while it's functional I do not use it.  As mentioned several times, I am a total germ phobe.  For me, dropping my daughter off in the daycare room, well, I might as well be dropping her in some Ebola hot zone.  Clearly I am rational enough to know she picks up germs out playing with friends or even at the store.  Yet the daycare is such an obvious place to get ill I avoid it.  I think in part because if my daughter gets sick I don't have any help.  If I end up getting sick, I usually have to rely on family to come help me.  So I think part of the germ thing is a defense mechanism, survival if you will!

Now that my daughter is in pre-school two mornings a week it has opened up a small window to get to the gym.  However, I find myself wanting to use that time to write, or run errands because let's face it....a toddler free grocery shop makes for a much happier mom!  I have employed help now and again but I find it hard to find a sitter who can go with the flow as most want regular hours.  My life is always in flux which makes childcare decisions difficult.  I found one AMAZING person to help us off and on for 2 years.  But she has since completed her graduate program and is off doing amazing work in Laos.  She has set the gold standard and I've found it hard to replace her...she was not only great with our daughter but she was interesting and fun and I absolutely enjoyed her company.  In addition to finding good help, the cost of babysitters these days...well you might as well take out a small bank loan to fund a regular gym routine!

I have found having my sister around to have been a huge catalyst in this process.  I had forgotten how nice it was not only to have adult contact on a day to day basis, but how much easier life can be when sharing a little bit of the household responsibilities.  My sister is a grad student and in my husband's long absences, it has seemingly worked well for all.  Free place for her to stay and I get some help cooking, cleaning, and in childcare.  So between school and working around my sister's schedule I have been able to find in more gym trips than I have in years past.  All without having to rely on the germ factory!  The fact she is on a diet and we enjoy many of the same types of foods has doubled the success rate of this little experiment.  I think in large part I have to attribute my success to a small shift in lifestyle.  

I think the ultimate challenge will be "what happens after the current routine changes again?"  My husband and I have hopes for more "normalcy" in our life sometime in the future.  Not sure when that day will come.  At 3.5 our daughter, who has always been very independent and self entertaining, is able to be more self sufficient.  That is sort of sad to say because in one way she is no longer my baby, my peanut, and doesn't need me in the same way she did.  They grow up fast and I find myself nostalgic for those early days.  But by the same token I do see glimpses of "getting my life back" - finding "me" again - as she grows.  Like I said, it's a double edged sword.

I feel sort of badly after writing all that and not really providing much of an answer or a solution (my husband is all about problem solving).  I just think it's more complicated than that.  Everyone says "you have to make time for yourself" or "hire help" or "just do it."  But for those of us deep in the thick of it time, money, guilt...well they are all very real factors that need to be addressed and overcome in time.  I think there are solutions out there appropriate for everyone, the hard part if finding the ones that work best for you!


So folks, I think the secret is there is no secret.  We all have a stack of things a mile high and a pile of obstacles in our way.  Sometimes it takes a long time to break through that mess and do one tiny thing for ourselves.  At least it did for me anyway.  I started with a few goals, lose weight, get in better (not perfect but better) shape.  I've found that positive result addictive and has led to this blog which I'm proud of, no matter how small and silly!  And I have to say it's led me to some other ideas that I have in the works.  So for anyone out there my "advice" or lessons shared is to just start in one small way and break through one tiny barrier.  Maybe you'll find your way to another and another.  And I think you have to take all the success with the fact that there will be a million hiccups and set backs along the way, and through that you just have to remember what and why you started on your journey.  

OK - I've been on my soapbox so long my feet are full of suds.  Hope the length of this novel didn't bore you all to death and hopefully you'll come back for more.  Given my recent return to the pool, I can provide some good humor on the subculture of swimming!  Until then, happy healthy eating!